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I started laughing...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DisposableDixieCup, Apr 7, 2007.

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  1. For no apparent reason. It then turned into crying.

    I work a job from 3a.m. to 8 a.m. Tuesdays through Saturdays. Well today, on my way to work, my car broke down. It was extremely cold, and it took the towing truck nearly two hours to get out to where I was. When I finally got home, I went to sleep. I woke up 5 hours later, had my car taken to Pep Boys to see what was wrong with it. The head gasket blew, and it would cost $2000 to get it repaired, they suggested I just invest in a new car and not waste money getting this one fixed. My dad gave me this car a year ago (it was bought new in 2000, was used by my sisters until 2006 in which I got it). he gave it to me because I'm going to college in Dallas. Which is 8-10 hours away from where my family is. Three days before my car broke down, my girlfriend called me from Mexico where her mom had sent her. I hadn't talked to her in 5 months.

    She cheated on me. With two different guys.

    My new jobs is making me crack, along with going to school full-time, my car breaking down, and my girlfriend cheating on me. My brain is fried. I can't remember sometimes what happened earlier in the day, but for some reason I can remember what happened to me in the fourth grade. I can't recall last week's homework due in 4 days, but I remember talking to my friends in the library in 6th grade about PokeMon as we played. I can't remember what day it is sometimes, but I can remember walking to High School in the mornings and going to the stairs to wait for the bell to ring. I remember exactly what I wore.

    I missed work today, and I have to go back tuesday. I have to go to school. Both are 20 minutes away and I spent all my money on the tow-truck.

    Just now, I was in the restroom trying my best not to look at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands. I then started laughing at absolutely nothing, then it turned into crying.

    I cut myself really lightly, nothing major, small scars.

    I simply don't know what to do. I feel like shit. My parent's really don't deserve this shit right now. They're working two jobs each to put me and my sister through college and I just fucked up a car.

    I can't stop crying and I don't know what to do.

    I really really feel like shit. I haven't eaten in two days and my stomach still gets sick whenever I think about my girlfriend. I took some sleeping pills (not to OD, but to actually go to sleep) and they didn't work. I can't sleep, and when I do, it's never enough. Since I have mondays off from school and work, I usually sleep all day till I have to go to work Tuesday morning. For the past month, that meant that once I got home from work, I went to sleep and got 15 hours of sleep. Then it was time to get ready for work and I was too tired to get up or move.

    I seriously feel like shit, and I know for a fact that things won't get better.

    What do I do?
  2. BlueHermit

    BlueHermit Member

    I hear you, DixieCup.

    I can say from experience that the pain of losing a girlfriend does not diminish with time. Instead, the pain changes into something that you can live with, and use to guide yourself through the inevitable tough times that lay ahead.

    Hang in there.
  3. truhotsmeesylnoti

    truhotsmeesylnoti New Member

    Bluehermit is right, the pain just changes to something that you can deal with, that doesn't take over your whole life. I'm dealing with a failing relationship at the moment and I've been through what youre going through now too... Stay strong and if you need to talk just message me, ok? Any time... I know I'm not the most stable of people you could choose but I'm here if you need me.
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