i started. now im scared.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by slim_to_none, Jun 19, 2008.

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  1. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    i have a plan.
    i started on my plan and now im scared.

    i havent gone far enough to do any damage to myself.

    but god i want to.
    i dont want to live.
    i have nothing to live for.
    i have so many people who made me promise to stay alive.
    and ive tried.

    ive even tried getting a bed IP.
    but nope. the hospital is full.

    i have to go out for drama rehersal in less than an hour.
    my mother will be here.
    i look like sh*t.

    i dont know whats worse. hurting my family, or continuing to hurt like i do.
     
  2. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that life so far has been shit enouth to drive you to this place : ( I wish there was somthing I could say that would make things ok, I'm sorry that theres not. I know how your feeling though, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it to.

    I don't know what your plan, but I hope you don't go through with it: I have been on the edge of suicide myself, and know a few people who have been "succesfull", and it hurts like fuck when you find out about it. People think that they can escape all the bad stuff via suicide, when in realitly they just pass it on to everyone who they cared about.

    You said you've promised people what you wouldn't do this? The people who've made you promise, will get hurt, I guess you already know this... but I'm not sure you know how much: I have suffered from depression for 4 years, and the worst I was, when I found out my friend Michell had killed herself, I didn't eat and I didn't wash, I didn't do anything, the staff at the ward did pretty much everything for me. It was a very low time.

    Please don't put the people that care about you through that. I know it's a lot easier for me to say it, than it is for you to do it (I know how shit it makes people feel, and yet I still consider it at times) but please just try and think about it.

    I'm sorry things are like this.

    Take care,
     
  3. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    i feel a bit sick but i think ill be living through the night.

    i have two friends in my life. one is an internet friend who has all the details of everything she would ever need to save my life if she had to. (ie - phone numbers, names, etc). i even gave her my sisters name & contact details and shes emailed my sister to let her know that she is worried about me and wants my sis to take care of me. (my sis is 18, i am 21. its a weird situation).

    im still torn.
    i have a note and everything organised. i wanted to keep going with it when i got home tonight. but my sister decided to spend the night here so i couldnt.

    i really need help. this is probably the worst i have ever felt in my life.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If you were to show up in the ER and tell them you have taken an OD, they would have no choice but to admit you. You could also call a crisis line. Since you have doubts in your mind, then the answer is not to take your life. I hope you are okay. Please let us know how things are. :hug:
     
  5. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I hope you are ok... you've not been online since you posted that.

    Please be ok.
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am wondering how you are doing slim. Please let us know.
     
  7. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    i am sorry i never replied again in this thread.
    i am still alive.
    i tried again. (and ended up in the same position as i did when i started this thread).
    so i voluntarily put myself inpatient today.

    so yeah. i am in hospital. probably for a week or so. i went voluntarily so that i wouldnt have any issues getting out.

    thanks for the words of support. i really appreciate them. <3
     
  8. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Inpatient ward? I sympthase with you, not the best places to be... hell they always made me feel worse at first.

    It's good that your there though. You say your only there for a week? I know it feels like the best thing to do is to get the hell out of there... but If they review you after a week and ask you stay, then you proably should. It can be absoulute hell at times, but they can help.

    Hope you are ok
     
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