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I still want to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheLovelyBones19, Aug 29, 2016.

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  1. I like the idea of life, but lately the idea just isn't enough anymore. And I really just want to die.
    AJanissary likes this.
  2. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Do you feel like explaining why? We all feel that way here sometimes, but that you already knew. I have so many things that could sent me down that road that I couldn't tell you easily why I may wanted to do it, so you probably also feel that's hard to talk about it, or maybe not.

    I decided to go and find more about you in your posts. You didn't really go in depth about your problems.. I have a lot, trust me. I have been suicidal many times this week.. I have been suicidal one hour of the day, and off of it the other, to just comeback to a new darker place.. Sometimes I feel my mind will break from all the insanity I produce with all kinds of negative thoughts I create and ones I learned. I don't feel suicidal today, and I am making an effort to change whatever I have become. Tell me what you think is really making your life an impossibilty.
  3. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I almost really want to go this route myself, but just taking a step by starting my volunteering will at least postpone any of these feelings, hopefully completely.
    I just broke up with my current partner and have been feeling lifeless for awhile now, but this just makes me realize that it's all over and I have to find a new way to feel 'alive' again, as this relationship is now ended, and I feel lifeless now. Nothing enjoyable going on except volunteering a few hours a week.

    I will discourage you to try anything towards harming yourself, there has to be something you can do to distract yourself and that will make you happy and give you something to keep living for. However small, like volunteering, a novel you can be excited about finishing, a creative project you can work towards..just something that is uniquely yours to live for..
    SillyOldBear likes this.
  4. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Sometimes there really isn't anything of that to save us, unfortunately, not all the time, so we end up doing the act.. I think we should hear more about her to be able to help.

    I also know how it is to not feel "alive" after a breakup. It has been 2 years almost, so I know I moved through that, but somethings imerged from that relationship that never left me. Maybe now I have a grasp why it was like that. I feel that at least I have something concrete to fight, because I have been in a really bad vague idea of what is wrong with me, wich added to being one of the things wrong about me.
  5. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    @OCDNihilism: I hear you. I would like to know more about a person's situation as to what contributes to their personal dilemma and makes them want to consider such a final act. I do think unless you have a brain tumor or some physical ailment or disease that warrants a 'right to die' approach due to chronic pain and inability to enjoy anything anymore... If you can reach this site and write a post, it is a fairly good indicator you are capable of helping yourself by taking this first step.

    I just think there is something, even just one remote thing, that will get us through our life and even help us smile and laugh. It feels ironic to write this as I feel on the same boat but I am taking steps like volunteering and feeling a shift in my life, a very welcome shift and opportunity to change my whole life from this dead end place I've been hypothetically rotting in for months on end.
    Piexes and OCDNihilism like this.
  6. All my life, I've felt this way, with each break up that happens, my thoughts Get worse, with every added thing that happens that is bad, it pushes me closer, my mom wants to die, my brother got into an accident and almost died and has been in the hospital, getting surgeries, I just got dumped specifically because my depression is to much for them. So lately life is just too much for me, I'm at the point where I already have a land and have things for ending my life, I just haven't made the final step.
  7. Missy

    Missy New Member

    I've never talked to someone that's made plans like you have LovelyBones... I'm just having obsessive thought and beginning to imagine what the <Mod edit:Methods> I don't like the thoughts but they are beckoning. I don't want to die, but sometimes I do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2016
    AJanissary likes this.
  8. It's a horrible feeling, I'm not going to share methods, but all I have left to do is write my letters to my loved ones and get my will set up, and make sure my best friend is my beneficiary on my bank account
  9. It's now a matter of, do I really want to die.
  10. bobbob

    bobbob SF Supporter

    You are still young and there is every chance that the depression will lift in time and you can have a happy life. Please remember that. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself, get what help you need, and think about and plan for a better future.
  11. I'm doing the best I can, but it's only a matter of time before suffering knocks down my jenga tower.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I hope things improve for you, I'm always around if you want a chat :) things CAN improve so don't make any rash decisions while feeling this way.
    bobbob likes this.
  13. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I seem to have some things in common with you TheLovelyBones9, my brother was in a head on collision a few months ago and almost died..I lost my first relationship (lasted about 2 years, but really probably less), mainly due to depression and all the baggage of my past that stayed with me to make me distance myself from him and his family. I have too much insecurity with myself to go through with a relationship, but I won't base my life around being in one. My depression has been very bad lately and my panic attacks have been exponentially worse on top of this. I need to get on medication with therapy, I otherwise will just keep on doing this balancing act every day to keep from falling off my wits end. I think it's better to keep going, and make every day count in some way. Life's fairly short when you think about it, why not just live it naturally and find fruitful ways to gain enjoyment? I am starting to..and I have been extremely bad off..so if I can, I believe you can too.
  14. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Do you believe me if I told you I was suicidal just two weeks ago? Three week ago I wrote letters to say goodbye, but I guess that the exercise of describing why I was doing what I was doing was enough for me to somehow purge the wish to do it? I can't remember if I just stumbled in some reason strong enough to not do it, wich could also be another time one to do it, or if it really, the exercise of writing those letters, were enough to relieve me from some things that were pushing me off the edge..

    I want to know more about you... Not really about your more external context, even if I understand how those things you mention are distressing enough to leave you desiring a need to escape. I think there is a deeper thing within you you must reveal us. Even depression isn't always a isolated cause, it's a symptom of another things. Those things need to be dealt with. We can't always do it alone. I have those problems too. I have been helped, but we also need to want to help ourselves.

    Private message me if you feel like you want to reveal more about you. Trust me, I have many problems, maybe all you have, maybe none, but if I can't help you, you will still have to understand that I am not the only one, so there are people who have gone through what you are passing, and they are here, other are out there, never caring about coming to a forum like this... you can be one of those in the future. Or one who comes here to help. Either one is a good thing.

    I can't promise you I will always be here to help you. I have problems that can send me down just after finishing this.. So I fear also that I am here approaching you, so I don't disappoint you in the end.

    I am seeking help next week. I think I know better what's wrong with me. Watch it if you don't know about it. Borderline Personality Disorder. So I warn you, I also have problems, and maybe you will not want to come to me for help after knowing them, but I am writing with the hope I have come to a higher reasoning state to deal with myself on those situations.

    So please, I need to know your true fears.. That's how you help someone, I believe.
    TheLovelyBones19 likes this.
  15. I'm not sure how to private message someone on here.
  16. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You can click on their username and then click on Start a conversation.
    OCDNihilism likes this.
  17. I'm going through with my plans
  18. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Don't do it. It'll get better, even though it seems very dark. And you still have your family that loves you.
    I'm sorry to hear about your break up and the reason for it, but you will one day find one that will love you for who you are, even if you're down and depressed at times and such.

    So just hang in there. I too have written letters and a will, months ago. And even when I go back to the feeling, I look through it to see if I should change something. But I keep going, and it has gotten better since then.
    Up and down though, but it does get better.
  19. Wiltingone

    Wiltingone Well-Known Member

    Thelovelybones I hope that you are okay and have been able to postpone acting on your plans. I feel as you do and understand how painful living can be. Hope to hear how you're doing soon.
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