i came back under the idea that i would help other people and forget about what's going on with me so i might have some chance of getting away and not needing to lean heavily on anyone anymore. and yet here i am again. i can't do it and i can't deal with anything. i'm back at the point where i really wished i'd just jumped four weeks ago and none of this would have happened. i'm getting closer and closer to the idea of going back there and finishing what i started. i just can't live with it anymore.