I suffer, but I don't know why

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hessbz12, Dec 13, 2006.

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  1. hessbz12

    hessbz12 Member

    I suffer...I suffer every second of every day. About six years ago I was hit with a spell of depersonalization. Most don't know what it is, but basically I felt very, very, very uncomfortably detached from my surroundings and my self. It was very, very distressing. It lost it's intensity some, but since then it has come and gone and come and gone, but never gone away totally. Right now I am in the most horrible pitfall with this stuff that I have ever been. I don't even know how to begin to describe it. It's honestly just horrid. It effects every single thought I have. Basically I am scared to death of going insane every second of every day.

    I have had no past trauma. I have great parents, great friends, great relatives, a decent job, a college education, no debt, no outside problems besides the fact that I am extremely scared to death and detached and can't think for one second of each day. It is horrendous.

    I have sought medical help for many, many, many years and have gotten no where. My mind is obsessive with this and I don't know how to make it stop.

    I don''t think that suicide is the answer, but I do know that I don't know how to get better and how to make my self feel any amount of contentness. I feel insane and that I will lose it at any time.

    I don't know what I wanted out of this post, but no one seems to know how to get me better, so I don't know what to do. I am scared of every thought that enters my mind. How do I go on?
     
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Have you been diagnosed at all with OCD and are you taking medication for it? It sounds like you are not so much compulsive as obsessive. These thoughts constantly intruding on your life are definitely a sign of obsessiveness (fear of going crazy, thoughts that feel like they are coming from someone or somewhere else). The more these thoughts intrude on your psyche, the more you tend to obsess about them which in turn makes it even worse. You say you have sought help for years so I assume that this has been brought to your attention. Just trying to help! I do hope you get better.
     
  3. hessbz12

    hessbz12 Member

    I have never been given any medication for obsessiveness. No one has really said much about it. But I agree, I am very obsessive. I see my psychiatrist today. I am going to mention this to him. Thanks for the input.
     
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    No problem! Good luck and let us know how it goes!
     
  5. hessbz12

    hessbz12 Member

    I just got done seeing my psychiatrist. He put me on Paxil. I hope it can at least help take the edge off whatever is wrong with me.
     
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Paxil should help . If not, there are many other meds like it...I take Zoloft, but it took me a few tries to find something that works. Good luck and keep us posted!
     
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