Hi, I guess I should put a little about me here. I don't really know what to say. I guess I put a lot of my current situation on the other thread I blurted out at the crisis section. I am a 32 year old female, but on the inside I feel about 5 years old and terrified. Some days it's as if there is no outer layer to protect me from all the things life throws at you. On these days I am just raw. Today is one of those days. It's been probably 9 years since I had a "normal" kind of a life. I used to say 8 years, until I realised how long I'd been saying 8 years. That's kind of depressing right there. Diagnosis wise.. I have ptsd, depression, bulimia, asperger's syndrome and social phobia (although the social phobia term I had to figure out for myself since no one on the nhs seems bothered enough to diagnose why I'm terrified at being around people). I am alone, I am hurting, I am afraid. I was a fighter, but that is long gone. Now all that's left is pain. I try to keep myself going because that's what I'm supposed to do. But it gets harder and harder to do what I'm supposed to like a good little girl. I never seem to do anything for myself. I suffer the "support" until I can't take it anymore and then run away. Again, because I'm supposed to. I never seem to have the desire to want anything now. I only know what I don't want. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be stuck in this place anymore. I don't want everything to be as difficult as it has been and continues to be. I wish I could get the real me back again, but that person is long gone. The real me died when my life fell apart. I feel so empty inside.