I woke up from an attempt and apparently when I was drunk I texted and emailed my therapist what I was feeling and what was going on, all of which made very little sense as I was drunk. After getting out of the hospital and the psych ward, my therapist said that she cannot see me for at least 3-4 weeks. Also I cannot be a part of my DBT group or my IOP. She said I am having a therapy "vacation". During which I have some things I have to complete. If I come back, I have top stop all cutting and drinking. I have to believe that I am a good person and that the abuse was not my fault. All I can say is that that is not possible for me right now. I am being judged by someone I thought cared for me and would be by my side no matter what. I was wrong. When I called her the night of the attempt, she told me not to call her and hung up. No one cares for me. I will attempt again soon. I know why I failed and I know how to fix it so I succeed next time. She was the only person I thought cared for me unconditionally. When in reality, she who knew me best does not love, care about, or even like me. I am worthless, to everything and everyone. I will kill myself where no one will find me till I am too late. I am in the process of writing the suicide note now.