I survived tonight

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by glacier3141, Oct 15, 2009.

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  1. glacier3141

    glacier3141 Member

    I shared my story in this recent thread. I had said I didn't know when I was going to do it. Well, I hadn't exactly made plans when I was going to do it, but earlier tonight I tried a "mock suicide". Why would I do that? Well, I didn't know when I was going to do it, but I had my method chosen. I should probably spare the details of what I did, so as not to encourage others (yeah, we're all suicidal here, but I don't want to feel like I helped someone else to do it. If you want to off yourself, you are welcome to find your own way.)

    In this selected method, I didn't want to do it at home, so as to spare my parents discovering my body, and instead decided I would do it in a park outside of town. (A park that isn't usually busy, some some joggers/bikers/daytrippers here and there, but some stranger would have found me. Don't worry, the method was of no danger to anyone else i.e. anything with carbon monoxide).

    Well, I decided tonight that I would drive out there, when it was near sundown, and few people were in the vicinity. I went and found an appropriate location, set things up, and tried it out for a little bit. I wasn't planning to actually complete the attempt, but I wanted a taste of it to see how painful it actually was. I had heard conflicting stories about exactly how painful it could be and wanted to find out for myself, while still stopping short of dying. The goal was to determine "oh, I could definitely die this way" or "oh heck no, there's no way I could go like this." I was just testing things out, feeling out my self, to make sure I could go through with it when I was to do it for real.

    Well, when I actually "went for it," to try it out, I almost lost consciousness. Of course, the point of it is that you lose consciousness before you actually die, but I didn't expect it to take effect that quickly. Just as I felt myself quickly losing consciousness I struggled about and managed to get myself out of the predicament before I had an unintentional actual suicide on my hands. I cleared up the scene, put all the stuff back in the car, and headed back to town.

    It was a little nerve wracking, in retrospect, just to know that it was about to happen when I was just trying to kind of test it out to see how it feels, before going the distance. I guess the lesson here is, don't do something until you are actually sure you want that something to happen. It's dangerous if you don't.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 15, 2009
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. Please stay with us and post more about what bothers you. It will help.

    :hug:
     
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