I swear I'm not depressed, but I can't stand living.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostinthedarkwithoutalite, Aug 1, 2011.

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  1. I don't know what's wrong with me and I can't find anything to relate to on the internet as stupid as that seems. I'm not depressed, I don't cry all the time or cut myself...I mean I don't even know what it really means to be depressed but I don't think I am. I love life, I love to interact with people and be outside, and I enjoy epiphanies and miracles of life and nature. But I can't seem to do anything right. every opportunity i had to assimilate or become a good civilian i fucked up and threw down the toilet. But i don't understand why i can't just try to be happy and have that be good enough. No matter what i do it isn't good enough and Im a terrible son and I don't do anything right. No matter what. And I've had enough, I can't take the constant bitching and moaning about how i don't have a job, and my fucking mother doesnt even have a job. and its fucking difficult to find a job these days and ive only been looking for a month! So what's wrong with me? I just want to end it i want to die, I don't care if there isn't a god or a heaven and all you do is stare into blackness forever. I don't care. I can't take it much longer. Nothing I do is good enough. I can't seem to make anyone think im worth a goddamn or a fuck. So if I'm such a burden and every time I try my best all I do is fail...wouldn't the mathematical solution be to kill myself? I'm useless and I'm only taking up air and resources ffor no good.....so what do i do? all i can think of to do is end my life. I don't really want to because I wanted to be happy. but it seems so IMPOSSIBLE, especially when no one around me thinks im any good at ANYTHING and that Im a stupid worthless little shit who is just wasting electricity. Everytime I talk to my mother I want to kill myself. WHY WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEE
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni


    By the sound of it, nothing is wrong with you other than living with highly critical people.
    If someone is told over and over again that they are a waste of space, useless, no good etc. Eventually it sticks and destroys that persons' ability to think well of themselves or succeed in life. :hug:
  3. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Ever since I was a kid, my parents expected nothing short of 110%, I grew up in a Middle Eastern household too.

    To this very date, my parents have taught me to feel shame and remorse for every little thing I do wrong. It's not your fault buddy. You just gotta learn to live with it as it's close to impossible to forget.

    Just live and be the better man.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Criticism from parents is a real psychological time-bomb - it can be really demeaning when parents throw up all these goals and put so much pressure on kids to be the top of the class or top of the nations finest!

    As for work - lots of us have no work and its not our fault. Try and do some courses or something - learn new skills. Jobs are out there but sure its not easy. Don't be down on yourself.

    People bitching? Well - I usually just put on headphone - and listen to some loud rock that drowns out annoying noises.

    As for depression - I think you do have it - you can have depression and not be depressed - but want to die. You can have a life - and not care much for it. Anyone who wants to die - is depressed.

    I've been happy and felt like dying.

    Kill yourself in a cheerful moment? Wow - I am messed up. lol

    Anyhow - life seems bad a home - but sometimes parents bitch about good things. Homework? Tidy the room, come in early! And so on.

    But f parents demean you - criticise you - its actually wrong. A good parent will obviously want a child to do well - but you ought to praise them - make them feel like that drawing they took home from school was THE best ever.

    We are not all Einsteins! That is life. Parents often forget that but if your a young person then try and chill out a little. It is your life. Life is about being happy - that is the main immediate goal we ought to have.

    So hope this helps.

    Good luck!

  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the SF forums, lostinthedarkwithoutalite. :hugtackles:

    I can relate to what you and others above are saying about having people around you that have tremendously high expectations for you. My parents pushed me very hard and wanted the very best for me until I reached out for help, but through all that time what they thought was "helping me work hard and 'succeed' by criticizing me and putting me down (e.g. comparing me to my sister) when I'm not doing well in school" actually adversely affected my mental health. :(

    I wish you well and hope you find this site helpful.


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