i take my meds they suck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Oct 9, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    been months now i stil feel suicidle im seeing councillers and all still havnt lost my suicidle tendancies ive even tryed having a break with my sis i still have no desire for life i have no plan no destiny ive tried but life is a bitch and its screwed me time and time again every day is nea4r the end sick of feeling like this and having to explain myself or being a fcking kid hiding because ppl dont trust me on my own all in all needs to end
     
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hello Spidy,

    I've read your other posts and I can see you're in real pain. But I don't know why. Do you think you would be able to explain some more about where you're at?

    Tam
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    One thng i cant do is explain alot of crap ive endured but separation aint helped i have no drive no motivation nothing to wake up for and i cant get rid of these feelings ive got to the point of smoking and drinking myself to death im so bored with life um im trying to get help but it aint working think ive lost the plot big time all i think is death only way out slowly losing me friends cause im scaring them just dont fcking know what to do i know im sick but cant open up and i know next attempt is gunna work as ive planned it down to a tea non reversable just need to seee my kids one last time and hope the fck they understand when im gone
     
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    You sound in a really bad way, that IS scary - but most of all for you. I'm sorry your friends couldn't cope with it. I have to ask, are you seeing a doctor or therapist or anyone like that, sometimes they are the only people who can help at a time like this. I wish you would give yourself a little bit more time - post on here as much as you can, even if it sounds like you're not making sense - lots of people here sympathize and understand your situation. Hang in there, right now is a pretty quiet time on the forum, more people will be about soon.
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    i see another counciller tues um it wont help ive tried to enjoy life again just cant make it work um dont really want to go bck to mental ward but i guess im heading tht way like to just be bymyself alot but tht is dangerous as tht is when i star4t hurting myself i just dont get this crap i used to be so easy out going now im a fcking morbib dead prick and i dont see a light i just cant seem to enjoy anything not even a day out with my kids and thts sad i m screwed in the head and be better if i wasnt about.Dont ned to be dragging other ppl into my crappy life which is what is happening sick of it all no joke wish id get the guts to really go thrgh with what i need to do as i have no enjoyment out of life and tht just makes me so tired everyday whats the point with no goal
     
  6. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    I think someone else has already mentioned this, but won't hurt to repeat I guess. Yeah, having no goal, no point to life, feeling like a useless unworthy piece of whatever - that does suck. And I'm not going to say things like 'oh yes but..' and 'what about x or y or z..' because I'm guessing you've heard it all before.

    What I'm going to repeat though is that you might not right now feel there's any point, but your kids do. You're their point, their reason for being alive. If nothing else, could you convince yourself that they are a good enough reason, now, to be the goal of your life?

    And as for going to a psych ward - maybe that's not so bad right now - means you can stop fighting so much just for a bit, get a rest, a chance to be looked after for a change. How does that sound?
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    arrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes my kids are important to me but they dont need to see me all screwed up especially as i dont know how to fix myself think i beyond it as far as the ward goes been there was in save haven as it seems i get out i fck up so whats the point other ppl need it more thn me im not gunna use up anymore resourses especially when thres ppl in need im only minor more needier ppl
     
  8. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Who can judge who is more needy than someone else? I reckon you sound pretty needy right now, and that's good enough for me. I understand what you're saying about going to a safe haven and then whammo you're back in the shitfight again and it all gets f***ed up again, but maybe that's just what you need right now, a haven so you can get it together again for a bit. You don't know, maybe this time it will be better when you come out, maybe this time you'll get enough of what you need to give you a better fighting chance?
     
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    i hate talking here as i sound like a symphany stalker which im not im so frustrated tht i cant be who i used to be and i have the ability to be able to go do damage to myself.Im on anti depressants and also on other pills to stop my head from ticking over but niether work as i seem to just think thnk thnk thnk and it aint good.Love me kids to bits but as i said they dont need to seee there old man as a nutter.My sis and friends dont need to be enduring this as well.I have become a big hinderance on alot of ppl which dosnt reallly make m feel good about myself either.Is why i sit alone alot and plan my death.I leave my sis place next week bck to living in my car plotted what will take place already.I ll say it sad but there is no future when ya feel like i do do have no life left in me:poo:
     
  10. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Oh Spidy. If you can't talk here, where can you then? You're not a sympathy stalker (actually I quite like that phrase :smile:) - you're in pain and people care about that whether you want them to or not really.

    Why do you have to go and live in your car? Surely, if you must leave your sister's place, then hospital would be a better place in the meantime?

    I wish I could reach out and make it a bit better for you, all I can do is send lots of thoughts and good will to you.

    I also have to go now, but please keep talking. And I'd be pleased if you wanted to PM me, I'll be back later.

    Lots of hugs in the meantime.
     
  11. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    car is a good thng music and the fact im alone which i seem to enjoy
     
  12. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    Is it possible to try different medications? I'm glad you're in counseling. Is it possible to see you counselor more often?
     
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