Today my boyfriend was talking to his grandpa, it got me thinking. You know, I really don't have a strong connection with any of my grandparents. My grandma on my dad's side is in the nursing home and it's hard to go and see her because it's so far away. My grandpa on my mom's side gets on my mom's nerves and so does my step-grandma, we havn't seen or talked to them in a while. Those are the ones who are alive. My dad's dad died when my daddy was 16. He got shot at a party store. Whenever I talk about him, my daddy starts getting all teary-eyed and I would stop. I wanna know more about him, all that I know is that he was as tall as my uncle Richy and would've liked me if he was alive. My mom's mom died in summer of '99, before I got into kindergarten. She was really depressed and very moody, my mom said. My grandma "Ninnie" killed herself in my garage, I won't say how, it'll get edited out anyways. She left my mom a lot when my mom was about my age *fifteen*. My mom said my Ninnie had a lot of boyfriends, my mom bought all her own things. Anyways, all that I remember about my grandma are good things. I remember being little and her letting me and my sister stay up late watching Bambi or Fox and the Hound eating popcorn. I havn't watched those movies since she died, and I really don't plan on it. I remember going to McDonalds whenever she babysat us because she didn't really want to cook. She was a nice woman, she gave me a pink bear that sounded like a rattle, my Rattle Bear. I hold it sometimes when I really miss her. I wear two of her rings everyday, I havn't taken them off in about a year, almost two. For homecoming, I wore all of her old jewelry that she wore when she wanted to look nice. I remember when my one bird died, I prayed to God that it would find my Ninnie and keep her company. I just miss her, and I needed a good place to rant. Also, I need some coping help. What do I do?