.I think about it every day.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Kia, Oct 13, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Kia

    Kia Member

    Its been exactly 1 year and 4 months..since my last suicide attempt. No one knew of my problems untill it happend. No one wanted to know.

    It was really early in the morning..probably 3 am. and i had been crying for hours, and i was bleeding from cutting. i was completely freaking out. No one even woke up to my screaming. They were peacefully sleeping, while i was in the most pain i'd ever been in. I took all the pills i could find..cried some more..cut some more and passed out. I guess at about 3:45 i woke up and started puking. I was in so much pain it hurt to move. I knew i had failed, and i had to clean up my mess before they woke up.

    My alarm clock went off at 5 am. and i hadn't slept. I didn't shower or talk. i just went to school. When i got there Jea. came up to me feeling my head and asking me why i was so pale, i couldn't say anything i was completely numb. But she freaked out and found the counselor. They made me sit in an office for a couple hours, asking me questions to which i did not reply. Then they called the police, a social worker and my mom. (my dad was working out of town) They all stared at me, asking me why, my mom crying and trying to hold me. Then the police took me away to the hospital, i had a drug test done, and then it was off to an institution.

    I spent a month there. Scared and alone. I had one visit. No friends...and i regretted not taking more pills.

    When my mom came to pick me up. We didn't talk, she didn't look at me and we drove straight home. When i went inside there was no happy greeting, everyone just stared..and glared. They all hated what i had done, i ruined our family.
    BUT NO ONE ASKED ME WHY I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE! More than a year later they still haven't asked me WHY! what kind of family doesn't want to know why a 14 year old girl desperately tried to end her life!?
  2. benji

    benji Guest

    Do you mind if i ask why?

    It says "since your last suicide attempt", how many times did you try this before?
  3. cygnedepose

    cygnedepose Well-Known Member

    I have the same question as Benji. Also, has your realtionship with your family always been so distant? Did your friends/peers have the same reaction? If it doesn't bother you, would you mind giving a little bit more information - that way I can try to help more effetively.

    Feel better,hun.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 15, 2006
  4. iQuit

    iQuit Well-Known Member

    Why did you try to kill yourself kia?
  5. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    They didnt ask.. Maybe they were to scared, maybe they thought you didnt want to talk about, maybe they were waiting for you to just say so..

    Were asking, some of us might be scared but we want you to be happy. Please tell us whats hapened to make you feel this way, whats so bad?

    Please take care, im always here. x
  6. riz

    riz Senior Member


    Tell me why.

    I want to know what made a 14 year old girl would want to leave so desperately.
  7. Kia

    Kia Member

    I had attempted 3 times before this. But i had a great friend (who ended up killing himself) that fixed me up and tried to keep me going.......R.I.P. Erick.

    Our relationship use to be great..but when i started to get depressed. They couldn't except it i guess. I lost myself. I lost them...and my friends were no better, they day i stopped smiling was the day they decided i was too different to be one of them. They shut me out. Prank phone called me, wrote me notes, threw things at me and the rumors...hurt the worst. They abandoned me when all i wanted was someone to be there.. <My friends and Family ..just left me to deal on my own.

    .What i've done over the past few years....makes me a horrible person. I don't deserve to live, i am a burden to my family and everyone that knows me. I have no friends. No life. Nothing. Everything was my fault, it happend because i deserved it. And i can't take it back, i think about it everyday it fucken creeps into my mind everytime i think about smiling....
  8. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I am sorry your friends would not have some compassion on you. 14-19 are hard years, ya know? They should. You just learning a life lesson very very young....TRUE, real, good friends that stick with you in terrible times are far and few around.
    Just wanted to add that everything you say above in your quote, I feel too.
    I want to die cuz my behavior ruined my life. I am over 40. I really thought I got over the worst. Life will keep throwing you shit. I hope you throw it back again.
    Please continue to past.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.