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I Think About Suicide All The Time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by redrobin62, May 31, 2014.

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  1. redrobin62

    redrobin62 Active Member

    ...and I can't help it. Today is the last day in my apartment. After this I will be homeless for a little while then I move to an aPODment in downtown Seattle. An aPODment is a tiny studio with a shared kitchen and laundry. In a way it's depressing because it's so tiny. Another negative, to me, is it's close to Chinatown. Chinatown is where I used to buy my drugs so I've been avoiding there like the plague.

    I feel like there's a black cloud constantly hovering over me and I can't get no reprieve. My mood is low every day. I sleep a lot because I see no sense in getting up. To do what? I have no friends or family anyway. I don't go anywhere except to the doctor's or outpatient therapy. I used to enjoy going to the movies, restaurants, parks, museums, etc. Now I enjoy nothing. I don't feel like I'm going to make it.

    I know my counselors and therapist is worried about me, and I tell them I'm not heading to a bridge to jump off, but I can't help feeling that, somewhere along the way, I am going to do just that, or stand in front of a moving train. Anything to end this constant agony I feel.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry life is such a struggle right now I do hope when you move into your new place you meet new friends ok If you do get too low make sure you talk to your doctor and get into hospital for help Is there a shelter you can stay at until the new place comes available hugs
  3. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    I have my own POD of sorts, without the "ap-" prefix or "-ment" suffix. Or SRO "single room occupancy" as they call it here. It has a little sink & microwave.

    I am hoping that things turn out good for you. Drugs are everywhere, but you are strong now. Just because the hot spot is nearby doesn't mean you have to go there. Hang in there & keep up your good work. I admire how strong you are.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Redrobin62, appreciate life is tough. You just need to be positive about life. Ok your moving here to Chinatown but you have to stay off the drugs. You realise that drugs is not the answer and I believe that you can keep away from that vicious circle. Drugs help to relieve the stress for a period of time but leave a long damaging effect on your health. You feel life is worthless but trust me there is hope in the end. We all suffer but we still have that glimmer of hope somewhere. Just keep posting and do not think your alone in your plight. Take care.
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