...and I can't help it. Today is the last day in my apartment. After this I will be homeless for a little while then I move to an aPODment in downtown Seattle. An aPODment is a tiny studio with a shared kitchen and laundry. In a way it's depressing because it's so tiny. Another negative, to me, is it's close to Chinatown. Chinatown is where I used to buy my drugs so I've been avoiding there like the plague. I feel like there's a black cloud constantly hovering over me and I can't get no reprieve. My mood is low every day. I sleep a lot because I see no sense in getting up. To do what? I have no friends or family anyway. I don't go anywhere except to the doctor's or outpatient therapy. I used to enjoy going to the movies, restaurants, parks, museums, etc. Now I enjoy nothing. I don't feel like I'm going to make it. I know my counselors and therapist is worried about me, and I tell them I'm not heading to a bridge to jump off, but I can't help feeling that, somewhere along the way, I am going to do just that, or stand in front of a moving train. Anything to end this constant agony I feel.