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I think God hates me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aotfan777, Jul 5, 2015.

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  1. aotfan777

    aotfan777 New Member

    I seriously think God has cursed me because: I'm bad at talking with people without being boring and im really not funny, no matter how hard i try. You need to be funny if you want to get through life, otherwise you need looks to get anywhere, which i dont have. All ive ever done is try my best to be a more likeable person, but its never enough because i can't change who i am. No matter how hard i try, i can never be a funny or attractive 15 year old boy. Every boy my age is either good looking, and funny. Trust me, I've tried ALOT to change who i am. If they're not good looking, they are at least funny. But im neither. I'm a very ugly boy, I've always wondered why God chose me to have it so hard. I'm black and Puerto Rican, but i look indian. Whenever people meet me they ask me if im indian and make hurtful jokes. Then when i say something equally mean back, they call me an asshole and call me names and walk away. I try to ignore, but deep down i always feel so sad and really hate myself. I just wish God was fair with me like he is with everyone else. It's not hard for him to do that and he knows it. I only know one person who is just like me, but he is very good looking so he gets farther in life by default. I look way older than i am. Im also 2 inches shorter than the average boy my age. I'm too sensitive and can't make interesting conversation, and am the least funny person you'll ever meet.When i do say funny things i remember other people say, people take my joke to seriously. Not many people get my humor thats all. For some reason, people i dont know always treat me like Crap when i meet them, when all I've been is nice to them. Im grateful that i have a roof over my head, and a loving family. But when i leave the house, I'll have no one. No one to come home to. So i don't feel like trying anymore, i just want to die or comkit suicide, but you go to hell if you commit suicide. Im better off dead. Theres nothing to look forward to at the end of it all, because even though they say theres someone for everyone, i still havent had a girlfriend even once in my younger years, so when i get old I'll be uglier and more boring than ever. I try to stay positive through everything, and pray but nothing ever works for me. I could write on and on, but im trying to solve my problems, and listing too many is absurd. You get the picture. Do you think God hates me? Or is this all just a test? I have a up and down relationship with god, sonetimes i think that this is all gonna get better(which sounds absurd) Other times, i completely lose faith. I don't care if i get any negative answers, nothing can hurt me because all I've felt most of my life at the end of the day. But anyways, i hope at least one goodhearted person will give me a decent answer, to convince me to not kill myself. Either God has given me the hardest test of all, or he just plain hates me.
  2. nicholas1973

    nicholas1973 New Member

    I don't believe in God but I respect the fact that you do. You were born to this world just like every other person. You are unique, you are you. A lot of people don't get us as individuals and we don't always fall into a group of people but you are just as worthy as the next guy, whether we have millions or just a couple of dollars. you have every right to be on this earth. Keep being you and love yourself. Just remember, you are fantastic.
    2 people like this.
  3. EmmaNova

    EmmaNova New Member

    The majority of your issues seem to be rooted in psychology, sociology, and perhaps in mental health. (and i mean no negative connotation by that, considering i have a plethora of issues in that regard).

    As with Nicholas, I don't believe in god, however, i am quite spiritual. Unfortunately, many of the things taught to you by religion can be hurtful to you living your life. Regardless of what you, your peers, nicholas, or anybody else believes, we are responsible for ourselves and our actions, and in some regards, religion allows one to be absolved of responsibility.

    Ultimately, people, are assholes. People tend to care more about themselves than they do others, and most people are racist when it comes down to it.

    And, unfortunately, life is anything but fair, and I can tell you that many of your peers have these sort of issues and problems too, in that regard, you are not alone. I can personally attest to this in that I have had cancer, 5 times, anxiety issues, depression, and severe bullying in school to name a few. What i can tell you from that, is that, not to be cliche, but it does get better. But! Ultimately, you need to make things better, not wait for some divine force to fix things.

    So, the question now is how?

    Well, simply put, you need to find people that are like you. People that you can relate to, and can relate to you. You are not alone in these feelings and issues, and that is one of many things that you can connect to people on. And, for most people, "god" isn't any more fair to them, they just don't let people see their issues because it makes them vulnerable and easily hurt; you don't squeeze lemon juice on a wound, you put a band aid on it and try and protect it. This is what most people do with their issues. They try to cover them up, protect them, and rarely let other people see them.

    And as far as finding these people and fitting in, the system, society, is made to cater to the majority. Unfortunately, it is a shitty system, and many people fall through the cracks and end up with many of the issues that you are facing now. Embracing who you are, is a good place to start, and being confident in that, unless there is an aspect that would directly hurt somebody else. For example, if you were gay, you'd want to embrace that, people that that "annoys" can deal with it, and people that reject and make fun of you aren't people that you want to hang around anyways.

    And as far as what i believe, "Do you think God hates me?" No. In fact, i believe that religion in and of itself is a bastardization of spirituality and paranormal phenomena used as a means to control people, and, get their money, as in this world, money and knowledge is power.

    So, bearing that in mind, i would not take the bible or religious teachings literally, as it can be destructive to yourself, those around you, and society as a whole. Use the bible and religion as guidelines and advice as how to live your life, but, ultimately, it is your life. Your life to live how you want to, in the ways that you want. While many of the people in this world are terrible, there are so many possibilities, and most aren't as difficult to pursue as they may seem in your head.

    If there is anything else that i can help with, please let me know, i'd be more than glad to. ^~^

    2 people like this.
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