I've always had problems with depression and have had few friends. I've had suicidal feelings before, but nothing like I've had in the last 6 months. This all started with a girl that I dated for 1.5 years. I loved her more than anything in the world. She was perfect for me in every way. I knew after 6 months of dating that she was the one for me. Well after 1.5 years of dating I got kinda tired of waiting for her to love me and we broke up. I came to find out, she never really cared for me and she just liked the male companionship and attention. For her, it was just a game. Even though she deeply hurt me, I don't really feel much anger. I just feel very sad and depressed. I still just would want to be with her. Within a couple of weeks I find out that Mormonism is a complete fraud. One of the worst frauds ever perpetrated on mankind. The only worst fraud is Christianity. There is no god, or at least a god that involves himself in our affairs. I have gone through hell, and god/jehovah/jesus/zeus/ra has not been there for me. I'm no different than the 10 million jews, 50 million russians, or 5 million cambodians that were killed by evil men. Or the 250,000 people that died in the tsunami. God, if he does exist, did not care about them and he doesn't care about me. So, I lost the love of my life, a dream (mormonism), belief in a loving father in heaven, and now, I just lost my job. I am alone in this world and live 800 miles from any family. Family that I never get to see unless I go see them. I don't feel there is a purpose to life other than for me to suffer. I don't feel like I'll ever find a woman to love me. I don't have many friends period. Now that I've abandoned mormonism, the friends I did have abandoned me. Since I lost my job I have no health insurance now and can't go see a doctor. But what's really the point anyways? Why should I go on living if I can't have any joy in life-only suffering, agony, and pain?