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I think I am done.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ~Solace~, May 21, 2013.

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  1. ~Solace~

    ~Solace~ New Member

    To be honest I don't think it is the major depression disorder the doctor says it is but I have tried everything they asked me to and nothing is working. This might be hard for you all to understand but I am completely bored with this existence and trust me I have tried absolutely everything to get rid of this notion. I have lost all interest in everything, reading, video games. even sex does nothing for me. I am an atheist so I have no delusions of going to hell or an afterlife. I have tried to die a few times unsucessfully but I just keep waking up as if nothing happened. I have died in my dreams so many times and remember the absolute freedom of it. My plans are set. <mod edit methods> I hope I will finally be free. To be honest I am not even sure why I am telling random strangers this. I guess I just wanted someone to know. Have you ever felt trapped in your body like a cage you can never break free of?

    Anyways feel free to reply or not it doesn't matter to me all I ask is that you leave religion out of it. :clock:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2013
  2. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Religion wouldn't help at time like this anyway.
    I feel trapped in my own body and mind, I have many health problems which prevent me from getting on in life and achieving things.
    I am very empty as lost my mum last year to nasty cancer and she was the only person who understood me, I am nothing atall now without her and most people just keep away from since instead of helping me with my loss and grief, awful.

    Do you know a reason for feeling so low and empty? I guess you have a glimmer of hope somehwhere even if the size of a speck of sand and you didn't think it.
    Its often easier to offload to strangers, esp those in similar boat to you. I dont know what methods you have chosen as the moderators edit it out of messages if we write it down, but feel free to sent me personal message to chat and talk things through if you feel may help. Just vent. I dont mind, it can be very helpful, even if just for the time.
    I dont know myself what to do with my existence, everyday think this will be the last, yet next day am still here, strange isn't it............ Take care.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you are telling us because inside hun you do not want to die you want to live and feel life I think many here do understand you hun so you are not alone
    Keep talking to us ok it helps to talk to people who understand I am sorry for the loss of you mother hun but she would not want you to give up she would not want you to end your life h un Can you do something to keep your mothers memory alive hun do that for her hugs
  4. bestthingsinlife

    bestthingsinlife New Member

    I am thinking of you at this difficult time. Just hang on in there, one day at a time. I suffer from major depressive disorder (recurring), and I've found psychological therapy helpful in the past.
  5. EX1T

    EX1T Member

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2013
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please hold on. I think you have wrote here because you want to be heard and want someone to care. Well, you have got that. I care and I hear you. Please do not attempt, when one road closes another opens, please hold on, its your life at stake, which is precious, I believe, Please keep talking to us x
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hello. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

    You say that you are bored with existence and have lost interest in everything. You list reading, video games, and sex... all of which are very, very minor parts of living life. Have you ever set more grand aspirations for yourself? I don't say this in a mean way, I know it's hard to tell sometimes in text writing like this... but, what I mean is that perhaps you are not thinking outside the box. Sometimes a totally new paradigm is essential to self awareness, wellness, and progress. What is your career goals? How old are you, by the way..? Have you ever thought of travel, things like military or peace corps? Volunteering can be fun... When I was in high school I joined Greenpeace, hoping to ride on the ships that stop the whale hunters... alas, at my age they stuck me in one of their stores selling t-shirts. :) Since, I've worked with Habitat for Humanity, Special Olympics, Humane Society, Make A Wish Foundation, and various battered women's groups. There's a great reward spiritually for the self and soul when doing things like that. I'm not saying it is right for you, but I am suggesting that perhaps a total remake of why you're alive might help inspire living.

    While I agree that religion is not a topic to mix with these discussions, I think that some people use religion as a reason to give themselves a purpose and hope. It is not the only way though. Find your reason for having hope and you will find peace in living. Death is something that can't be turned back. Never put yourself in a situation that you can't reverse.
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