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I think I am in real trouble here...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Smokey, Dec 25, 2008.

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  1. Smokey

    Smokey Member

    Ok I hope this one works as the last 3 times it has told me I am not logged in, sigh.
    First some basic background on how I ended up here... I was always 'shy' as a child prefering to sit in alone with the TV than venture outside. At 16 or so I finaly learned to deal with my fear of social situations and got out there and made some good friends and I was happy even though I still felt alone. At 22 I met a girl but that didn't work out... Hey, it's just life. I'm over it.. However, I had used the security of the relationship to distance myself from my old friends and meet a new crowd... I dunno, maybe I was bigheaded or something. When the relationship ended I found myself very depressed and unable to speak even a word in social situations. So my new 'friends' invited me to a party to help me. It was an ambush that had been 3 months in the making! I never even saw it coming! I was spiked with LSD and ridiculed for hours and hours... bullies huh, what you gonna do?
    It isn't that I feel sorry for myself. I honestly believe I deserved it. But I am now 35. For the last 12 years I have had no friends to speak of, no girlfriends, no job, no nothing.
    I am still not sure if I should be posting here as I am not sure I want to kill my self. I just want out. it is incredibley hard for me to type this as I know other people will read it and answer so how am I supposed to get proffessional help? I can't live like this. As of now I have only been off the sofa for some food and beer in almost 2 weeks. Just me, a duvét and my beer... Day and night. 3 or 4 steps to the fridge and back... Woohoo.
    I am so screwed lol. I still have hope but I feel hopeless... man that sounds like a cliché lol. I am just scared that I am loosing the battle...
  2. mourningseraph

    mourningseraph Well-Known Member

    Hey Smokey, welcome to SF. :hiya: :welcome: I just want you to know that I think you're incredibly brave for posting this. I'm still trying to muster up the courage to ask for help when I need it. :smile: I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. You're not alone, I know how you feel. :hug: I haven't been out with friends in YEARS, let alone a date. I was bullied for years and I isolate myself now because of it. I can honestly tell you that the LSD incident is in NO WAY your fault. They are the ones who did wrong not you. :hug: I hope that we'll be able to help you through this. Everybody here is very encouraging and supportive. Please don't hesitate to send me a PM if you need someone to listen.

    BTW You don't have to be suicidal to join SF, there's quite a few of us here who aren't. So please don't worry about that. :smile:
  3. Dringer

    Dringer Active Member

    I always feel nervous when posting a new thread too. Just know that we're here to support you.
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Spiking someone with acid is the behaviour of an imbecile. LSD is an incredibly powerful drug. I know this from personal experience. You should never have had to go through such shit. If you want to chat about this please pm me and I will reply asap. Also my msn details are in my profile. Feel free to add me. A question I must ask is had you ever tripped before? Best wishes to you. Obtw :welcome: to the forum.:smile: and Merry Christmas and stuff.
  5. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Spiked with LSD then bullied? How terrible is that..must have had a bad trip! Unless you were "ahead of your game" at that time?

    LSD is the drug that causes me to think so much..and realize so much ..too much, not good. It's like the forbidden fruit..from tree of knowledge knowing good and bad.. best to stay away if you have issues like depression and so on because it gets emphasized. Unfortunately for you it was forced..
  6. Smokey

    Smokey Member

    Thank you all for the replies :) . I would have seen them earlier if pocket IE wasn't so awkward to use (using a smartphone to access the site so I am kinda limited in what I can do).
    Yes Snowraven I had experimented with LSD alot when I was a teenager and decided never to do it again after a few extremely bad trips. My drug of choice at the time was E and yes I personaly believe this directly contributed to my state of mind now, especialy the return of the social phobia. I am currently not using (Sucks on a beer) anything of that nature though... I learned my lesson.
    Thank you dringer for the support. I wish it was only nerves. Face to face i would be unable to speak right now though it is not always this bad. I feel kinda pathetic if truth be told. Just a nothing with no real effect on the world. MourningSeraph, thank you too. It IS some comfort to know I am not the only one who is alone however for years now I have been the only one... I really want to break that feeling :s . It hurts my brain at 6AM....
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2008
  7. mourningseraph

    mourningseraph Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Just trying to be nice. :(
  8. Smokey

    Smokey Member

    Oh wow... Sorry mourningseraph I was just editing my message as you posted as I saw what that might have looked like. I HOPE you can understand what I mean now... Again, sorry.
  9. mourningseraph

    mourningseraph Well-Known Member

    It's ok! :) :hug:
  10. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to SF
    I just wanted to say that you are not lone, im 23 and for the past 6 years
    i set at home infornt of the pc and havnt done anything at all, i dont work
    and i dont got any freands now, so i sure know what you are going threw.
    As for me i found a way to escape my situation, im looking for a job now
    and maybe that is what you should do too, job will motivate you to move
    and go out and to meet people, so it may really help.
    I am freandly by nature and fot no social enxity so its not hard for me to find freands
    i dont know how its like for you but you should try.
    Stay strong and dont give up.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to sf :)

    I can somewhat relate..I have had a drink spiked before. The worst part is 'not knowing what happened' while I was under the influence of the drug. It is never the victims fault. The people who spike drinks don't deserve to live.

    You sound really depressed. Please stop drink alcohol :yes: It will make you feel worse. You really need to see a doctor for your depression. Suicide isn't the answer. Please do so soon :hug:

    If you need to talk, feel free to PM me, I hope you feel better soon.

    Thinking of you,Lynn.
  12. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Having your drink spiked is extremely immoral and illegal..can't stress that enough. What a horrible thing to do. and I bet they where so nice about it before they did it...

    I am sorry to hear that this happened to you and what you have been through. Have a hug
  13. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    I can identify with being years with no friends, no job. I have led a life of excruciating alienation --- like being buried alive.
    Welcome to the group. I hope you can find hope here.
  14. Smokey

    Smokey Member

    Hi all, Thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words :) . I do actualy feel better for them!
    Actualy Summer.Rain you got a point there. I do go through periods of looking for work when I am able (I have to as I never got any professional help so they would stop supporting me if I didn't). At 23 you should keep pushing. A 12 year gap is hard to explain away, sigh. Lately the fact that I feel duty bound to pay back into the system that has supported me all this time is an absolute killer for me, as I personaly feel like I CAN and should work. The guilt is crippling at times. It would certainly help me with a sense of place in this world. Maybe a few hours a day in a charity shop (is it thrift store in the USA?) would force me to overcome my social problems first. I am terrified of finding myself in a 'make or break' situation though.
    Just thinking aloud...
    Thank you all for the kind words and empathy... And for the distraction from my own thoughts.
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Smokey,
    I also suffer from socialphobia and augoriphobia amongst other things. I only venture from the house when I have to( doctor appts., see my shrink, or go to therapy). My therapist is the one who has helped the most she has gotten me to leave the house and I drive my self even though sometimes I don't feel safe behind the wheel.
    I have learned that I don't need people to interact with on the outside. Then again I am 51 and am set in my ways. You are still young so seeing a therapist should be beneficial to you!!! I have the ppl here on the forum to talk to and that is all I need. I hope you seek the help it is there you just need to accept it. Good Luck!!~Joseph~
  16. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

  17. Smokey

    Smokey Member

    Um, it all sounds very familiar. I can't be sure of course but it REALLY does sound very familiar...

    Sorry lol, I am just a little shocked at how close that feels to how I am. I will deffinately look into this.
  18. Dringer

    Dringer Active Member

    Glad to hear that you're feeling better!
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