I think I deserve better than this, or do I? Advice greatly appreciated.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Petal, Aug 15, 2012.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'll try and keep this short and simple, I was abused when I was 12. I got pregnant when I was 14, had a miscarriage caused by an OD (is what I believe). After that I couldn't face going to school, I was getting bullied every single day, by pupils and teachers. Pupils bullied me for money and alcohol because my mum owns a pub and teachers used to call me gullible naive and said I was on another planet(when I was not even in the class). So after that I refused to leave my house for years, never left my house not even once, for about 5 years. Now life is horrible. My boyfriend is constantly sick, we can never go anywhere or do anything. My life revolves around whether he has pain medication or not, if he doesn't he won't get out of bed. I don't want to go on living like this. I'm sick and tired of it, and last night I started to feel really suicidal. I feel so useless, worthless, I don't even have the energy to clean my apartment, my mum has to come in and do it for me. I feel so disgusted with myself right now. I don't know what to do. And we never ever have sex because he's always in pain. Also, I have a college interview on the 27th but I don't think I'll get in because I'm stupid.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 15, 2012
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Sorry if this seems like a random question, but what's causing your boyfriend so much pain? Is it something he can seek alternative treatments for, just to see if anything else will help? It would be a step toward your life being a bit better.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    He was in a car crash 12 years ago and had to get a kidney transplant, he also suffer with renal colic (that's the closest thing a man can come to childbirth pain). Thanks for your reply x
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Ugh, that sounds painful... :sad: Is he seeing a specialist?

    Are there things you can do on your own that would get you out of the house a bit, just to bring you some relief?

    And you're not stupid. Far from it. :hug:
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Honestly... If something isn't working, it needs changing.. If it means ditching the bf, as harsh as it sounds, its not looking to healthy if he's constantly sick and can't do anything, and if your life is suffering as a result, you need to get out before it does you more harm than good.

    A common misconception is that people direct the blame at themselves, when in reality, you couldn't choose how he is, or what he does. And ok, so you have your own issues, but I think the wear and tear of the whole thing is leaving you gasping for energy to do anything, that you can't even clean your apartment. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and I hope I wasn't too OTT.

    The worst enemy we have is ourselves. Most of us are too scared to change anything for the fear of it going wrong, but the reality is, nothing can happen if we don't make it happen. We have control of our lives, its up to us as individuals to either fix what isn't working, or try something different.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    agree with G about the bf. maybe you could see a relationship councilor about this.

    it's great that you've tried to stick with him through his illness, but if it's making you suicidal, it's too much pressure to put on yourself.

    he might want to look into acupuncture, chinese medicine, and qi gong.

    I read about a qi gong grandmaster who was in a car accident. i think that he was not supposed to be able to walk again after that, but with diligent practice of qi gong he was able to recover full function.

    don't know if that would help your bf, but maybe.

    please don't say that you are stupid, or anything else bad about you.

    it's great that you are trying to help your bf and others, but I don't think that you should be trying to give past your limits.

    and yes, you do deserve better than this
  7. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry to hear what a hard time you've had in your life, both past and present... The pain you've been forced to endure, and the immense suffering, sound so undeserved, and unfair. But so is life, I suppose, sometimes. My hope for you is that you find a great way to make it through. Because it seems as though things are a bit of a struggle right now, and that makes me wish that I could come up with an answer for you, but I feel powerless to do so. What I can promise you, is that you can and will do great in that college interview, if you just be yourself! I think you're really smart.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes, he sees a top specialist but he's never going to be pain free again and that's a fact I have to live with. I can't do anything on my own because i cant go out alone incase i get a panic attack. Seeing a relationship counsellor seems a reasonable idea, I'll bring that up with him. Another thing, he doesn't believe in those alt. methods of pain relief unfortunately but thanks for the suggestion x
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