I don't wanna sound cliche or anything, but Korn said "You flirted with suicide, sometimes that's okay." I think that means that sometimes a brush with death can give you new appreciation for life. I've thought about quick ways and slow ways. I've put a gun to my head, beat myself (not with the intention of killing myself, just kicking the shit out of myself), and I've cut myself, sometimes with great amounts of blood. Clearly, no attempts were successful. I've never even had to go to the hospital. I just...needed to try I suppose. I'm not even sure why. Thinking about the end is a welcome thought, but also very perplexing. It freezes my brain. After trying it sometimes I feel refreshed. I really want to live because I know there's still happiness out there if I look for it, but sometimes I just wanna lay down and not wake up.