So, for the longest time, I've been wondering what exactly it was that was afflicting me. After doing some research, I think I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I exhibit many of the symptoms (if not all); largely an unstable sense of self, self-injuring, dysphoria and chronic feelings of emptiness. I also experience intense and irrational anger as well as stress-induced paranoia. Anyway, this kinda scares me. I'm glad to possibly know what the hell is going on my head, but I'm also terrified because I read that symptoms of BPD usually lessen with time. Mine have worsened. I also read that if left untreated, BPD can cause suicide attempts. But what really scares me is that I don't really care. I just realized that I really don't give a shit if I want to off myself. I'd rather commit suicide or swallow my pain and endure than go see a therapist and cause those around me to worry. I won't be able to have a normal life or normal relationships with people, but I'm getting used to it. I'm accepting the way I am and if the pain ever drives me to kill myself, what's one less fucking crazy person in the world?