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I Think I Figured it Out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moses, Dec 24, 2011.

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  1. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    So, for the longest time, I've been wondering what exactly it was that was afflicting me. After doing some research, I think I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I exhibit many of the symptoms (if not all); largely an unstable sense of self, self-injuring, dysphoria and chronic feelings of emptiness. I also experience intense and irrational anger as well as stress-induced paranoia.

    Anyway, this kinda scares me. I'm glad to possibly know what the hell is going on my head, but I'm also terrified because I read that symptoms of BPD usually lessen with time. Mine have worsened. I also read that if left untreated, BPD can cause suicide attempts. But what really scares me is that I don't really care. I just realized that I really don't give a shit if I want to off myself. I'd rather commit suicide or swallow my pain and endure than go see a therapist and cause those around me to worry. I won't be able to have a normal life or normal relationships with people, but I'm getting used to it. I'm accepting the way I am and if the pain ever drives me to kill myself, what's one less fucking crazy person in the world?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun with medication you can lead a normal life have a job hell there is no reason to stay in this kind of pain There is treatment there is therapy to help you stabilize so please reach out and get some okay
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Moses,

    I am sorry you are feeling like things are pointless and there is no way out.. Therapists will be there to help you, and I hope you reconsider checking in with a therapist or another professional who is better equipped to assist you.. then you will have opened the door for help to come to you.. From your post, I get the feeling that you matter to your family, and that they want you to be well too.. Take care of yourself, and Merry Christmas... I know it's a difficult time for you. ((Hugs))

  4. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    thanks. Merry Christmas to you, too, Alex
  5. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Things like DBT and CBT can help some people with BPD ...please think about seeing someone...
    I hope that you can stay safe thinking of you
  6. alixer

    alixer SF Supporter

    I'm going through a very similar situation regarding BPD. Let me know if you want to talk. Can't say I'd be much help but maybe talking to someone who understands would help.
  7. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    it is not what you have, but how you work with it. it can be debilitating and if that is the case it helps to seek help for it. but the main danger in that is that you will focus on your disabilities instead of your possibilities. and diagnosing from wikipedia is dangerous, you could be absorbed into it and read it and then think yeah i have that while you are actually fine. a friend of mine was worried about a lump and when he wikipedia'd it he was exhibiting symptoms from the plumonic plague :p but when he went to the doctor and got it checked out it was just an infection and antibiotics cured it within 2 weeks. you should definately ask a professional to diagnose you because there is a great danger in diagnosing yourself and being wrong about it, and professionals know how to handle after a diagnosis. so book an appointment with your doctor or gp and see whats what.
  8. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I want to say what I think, but I'm not sure if it would be helpful. I don't know enough about borderline. From what I know, a lot of people have different personality traits that responding to certain situations would cause them to feel crazy. The mind has a way to learn to re-work situations. Sometimes we just don't feel understood. I also wonder if some people have high IQ's, unusual perspectives, etc. also develop this feeling. It can be hard to convey yourself or fit into social situations without commonality, and eccentric people have trouble fitting in. My mother was diagnosed with it, but I don't really know what she's dealing with. Sometimes mental illnesses evolve without treatment, but meds at least can calm you down and help you sort through things objectively. When it's as serious as leading u toward suicidal thoughts, then it's time to get help instead of feeling at odds with yourself. I also stress about all sorts of things, the consciousness is a gift and a curse.
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