I think I got rejected, advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by dax, Mar 7, 2015.

  1. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    Well I'll start at the beginning. There's this resturant my family and I get our food from, usually mom stops by to get the food. They serve burgers and have a variety of other things like salad and different meats to choose from. Well my mom is real social, she tends to make friends quick with people of all ages. So she made friends with one of the girls there. Anyway I went with mom one time and mom introduced us, mom knew her first name started with an A....so she asked what her name was again. So she tells us her name and mom tells her name too.

    So it's slow and we chit chat for a little while and put our order in. Then we wait for our food and when it's ready she gets it for us. Then an older coworker comes by and is joking with her and us. We grab our food, thank her and leave. The next week mom wasn't feeling well so I went to get food there instead. Someone else took the order and our friend was on the other side where the orders are put together. When I go to that side I wave at her, she waves back but has an unsure look on her face like I think I know you from somewhere. So as she is bagging up our food I tell her my mom says hi by the way. Then she smiles and says that's right you two are related. I thank her for the food and leave.

    The next week I go again and she takes my order she is very friendly. While waiting for the food she asks why my mom isn't here and I tell her she isn't feeling well. She tells me I hope she feels better tell her I said hi. Next she says she probably doesn't remember my name, I tell her oh no, she does, sometimes she has her moments. Her coworker is instructing her about my order and she says dont worry I got it I know his mom. She assembles our food and I tell her we know your name is (let's just call her Jen for example). She smiles and says ok see you next time.

    Well about another week goes by and mom and I return. Mom waves at her she waves back and then I wave too, she waves back. Someone else takes our order and in between mom converses with her a little bit. Then mom comes over to me and says she seems a little grouchy. She was nice to us though was smiling, assembled our food and we thanked her by name. In the car mom told me she is bored cause all she does is go to school and work.

    Thanks for reading this far there isnt much more to go.

    Well yesterday I worked up the courage to go ask her out. Usually I wear a red baseball cap, but I got a haircut and combed my hair this time. Went there by myself when it wasn't busy. So she is cashiering and I wave at her I get a half smile cause someone else was in front of me. When it's my turn I ask her how she is she said fine how may I help you. I put my order in....it was all business not much friendliness. So I go over to the side to wait for the food and maybe for an oppurtunity to chat with her. Our eyes met once, got half smile but otherwise it was like I was a stranger. I got my food, thanked her and since I took this as rejection just said my mom says hi and she says tell her I said hi with a blank expression on her face.

    Anyway I do know the boss she doesn't like was working when I was there. But I figured if there were any tones of interest things would of been different. A friend said maybe she had other things on her mind and a different friend said maybe she didnt recognize you without the hat. Idk what to think, I just took it she wasn't interested. And figured it's best to leave it alone. I really don't want to piss off the person serving my food.
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  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Shes at work and doesnt want to appear distracted and unprofessional. Try again in a more interested and forward manner so that she knows your intentions. When youre greeting her next time, ask when her shift is over and whether she wants to talk over tea/lunch/dinner sometime. Then meet her when her shift is over, of course only if shes interested.

    Its not a rejection if there was never an offer. You didnt offer anything but "hi" and "thanks," basically. We cant read minds.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2015
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I wouldn't think of this as rejection, I wouldn't even say it was but it sounds more like you were either reading too much into it or she was having a bad day or that manager had maybe given out to her at work. She was so nice to you the last time, honestly if I counted that as rejection, I'm getting rejected a LOT. Wait until she is working again and initiate a conversation, the more you talk to her, the more familiar you will get with her moods, us girls can be very moody lol It could have been a large number of things as to why she wasn't more approachable than rejection at play here.

    Next time you go there, I hope you get a different result!!! Best of luck =)
     
  4. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    What I would do, is tell her that you think she is very pretty and that you wanted to ask her out but sensed you didn't feel the same way. And then tell her how you couldn't comprehend the idea that a woman wouldn't be into you, since you are so awesome in every way.

    then leave her a tip like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gEGAEi6Ezs
     
  5. Koji

    Koji Well-Known Member

    If you're still interested in her, then i would ask her out at the next available opprotunity. Start a conversation with her, and just be polite, respectful, and pleasant, the same you would as anyone, and throw in a little tasteful humor if you get the chance (just don't overdo it). Then ask her if she'd like to get a coffee with you sometime, or have lunch with you someplace, or whatever you think would be a good place to talk with her for awhile. Don't think of it as trying to start a relationship, just think of it as a chance to get to know someone better. And don't worry about looking nervous, it will be obvious to her that you are asking her out, but try not to be wishy-washy or speak to her in too low a voice or avoiding eye contact. Just think of her as any other person you would like to get to know (which may be difficult, i realize), but just understand you don't know her at all, and are merely asking her if she'd like to talk and get to know one another better.

    If she says yes, then i'd offer her my phone number, unless she proposes a time and place right then.

    Best of luck, my friend.
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Precisely, as well as the other considerations of she is in fact working and presumably wants to keep job and many places ar not at all okay with "personal" conversations while working. I t can be very hard to ask out or anything while somebody is working without putting them in a bad position anyway.

    Perhaps a simple offering your number already written down to her with the would like to talk to you more but know you are working so call/ text me some time if you would like to chat more? Have already prepared to hand her so not make a scene of writing and giving ot her, sh ewill 99% take it anyway and makes clear you want to talk but are respecting her and her work place.
     
  7. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    Ok guess I'll try again thanks for all your advice.
     
  8. Tables

    Tables Member

    Okay. This might sound harsh. It's not.

    There's no rejection. Because you've not done anything to instigate a response beyond the "business as usual".

    Eyes across a room can happen and has happened for me a total of once in all my 30+ years of life. And we didn;t fall into each others arms. From the gaze I knew this girl liked me. She knew I liked her. I stalled coz I wasn't sure. Eventually there was an oppourtunity to chat and I put my arm around her and things were golden.

    I've also thought i've had fond gazes from across the room in other situations but never followed it up beyond hoping the girl would come and make the first move. It never happens. Unless you make the move you will never know. And it might be a negative. And a lot of the time, epsecially in business situations she's just being friendly. SO if you get rejected don;t worry about it.
     
  9. angell

    angell Member

    While I agree with those who have said that it wasn't a rejection, just keep in mind that whether she rejects you or flies into your arms after an offer - neither has anything to do with you.
     
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    I pretty much agree with everything Prinn said.
     
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    When people are focused on working the last thing someone wants to deal with is getting hit on for some people it can downright be so annoying when focused on their job.

    On duty: I have been hit on by many men too many times no matter how many indifferent vibes I have given off that I want nothing to do with you with no eye contact or face my body the other way. Most men will back off atfer a short time but some creepier guys/players will press on that is when I start being aggressive telling them to get away from me. My job seem to attract them out of the woodwork, think it's my clients giving them courage to start conversations. Off Duty: I'm not bothered when I'm off though, I give off vibes and do not smile at any male unless they're with kids/partners/80 years old, I always smile when women are around being less indifferent. It is because I plainly want to be left alone and men just see me smile and think Im interested, I've become jaded over the years. Lol.

    Sorry to be blunt but you need to understand as a male, some women are constantly fending off flirtations by various males. Keep that in mind when thinking about her feelings and be tactful about it. And she probably has no fraternizing policy with her job when it comes to customers. She could be not interested in your type, she could already have a boyfriend or even swing the other way and likes girls only. There is many reasons why she's very indifferent
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 9, 2015
  12. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    This is why I took it as a sign of rejection and didn't ask.
     
  13. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    I still say go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No one here knows her reason for looking away. It's not necessarily a sign she's not interested. There's nothing wrong with politely asking this person if she would like to talk outside of work. It takes all of 1 second for her to say "Sorry, I can't." As long as you don't persist or harass her, if she gets annoyed by something like that, I think there's an issue with her, not you. In asking her, there's possibility that you could get yourself a date and nice girlfriend. By not asking her, you will probably regret it and it will take a hit on your self-esteem similar to being turned down. So if you don't ask her out or you do and she says no, result is pretty much the same.
     
  14. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    Attempted yesterday, she wasn't there. But hey I'll try again.