Okay this is going to sound totally weird.. um.. okay. As some of you know, my problems started when I was 7.. when my beautiful perfect sister Laura died... When she died I was totally destroyed.. I used to write her letters and put them under my pillows.. I always wrote the same things, I wanted to see her again.. I told her, in the letters, that even if she had to come to me in a dream I wanted to say goodbye. But she never did. My problems got worse and worse until, at the age of just 16 I moved in with my 27 year old boyfriend for 3 months because I was having a break down and was convinced my parents were 'out to get me'.. I've never had dreams or nightmares (I know my old username was nightmares, but I meant more my life really.. thats why I changed it, people kept telling me about being haunted by nightmares and I felt it unfair that I would have that username). But the second week of living with him I had 9 nightmares in 7 nights. One of them was a funeral, I knew it was for Laura despite it being nothing like her real one and her name not being mentioned. But I didnt see her... On the last one I did though, that day I had been so upset I had decided to go to a local doctor who had been my childhood doctor before me and my mom moved away, and ask to be sectioned. Jason and I agreed to go the next morning... that night I dreamt that my dad had got custody when he and my mom divorced (which they actually only did when I was 13) and he hadnt wanted laura so hed put her in a home, and Id wandered through the corridors there and seen her. They (in the home) said I wasnt allowed to talk to her and dragged me away and kicked me out, I only saw her for half a second... and I woke up distraught. Not only was it a horrible dream but I felt like Laura was punishing me. I felt like she didnt want me to forget about her, she wanted me to stay in pain, so I didnt go to the appointment.. Last night I had two dreams, in the middle of them, at 2am ish, I woke up and talked to my friend Joe for half an hour, so the dreams were seperate. But they led on from each other. In the first dream... It was Christmas, I was spending it in my house with Nick (ex boyfriend / friend) and we were rowing, I had forgotten it was Christmas and I was trying to make him leave me alone so I could make him a card without him realising I'd forgotten.. but I made him really mad. I was crying and looking forward to going to my grandparents (where I spend my Christmasses usually) to see my grandparents and my mum and have Christmas lunch. I was crying. Then I woke up. In the second dream... Same day, but a few hours later. I was going to a restaurant with my Dads side of the family (who I do not really get along with irl, they dont understand me and I let them walk all over me, inc. my dad and my sister Jemma). They were saying, as we walked into the restaurant, how my uncle wasnt hungry so he wasnt going to order, and how Jemma and I wouldnt order because wed had sunday lunch. Jemma looked at me because I looked upset and said 'well we have'. So I turned around and walked off, into the building opposite, trying to find an ATM so I could get some cash out and buy my own damn meal. I wandered through the corridors, which awake I recognise as Frenchay hospital, where Ive spent alot of time with my grandparents ) but I didnt recognise them, I thought I saw an ATM sign and Jemma was chasing me, shouting at me. As I neared it a break off corridor was to my right and I heard a nurse say "Laura was making Jason (name not related to my Jason) laugh so I moved him to the private ward for a while" (In the dream I understood this to mean that Jason was another disabled child and laughing caused him pain and he had gone to another part just to calm down, not as a punishment..) My heart stopped and I walked into the ward and there in her wheelchair, slightly older and with a broken thumb (I dont know what relevance that has except that I noticed it) was Laura.. she looked at me and I looked properly at her. The nurses were watching me and I looked at them and asked them "Is that Laura Jeanes?" and the nurse smiled and nodded and I looked at her.. and then I had the sensation of my mum and Jemma being around me and my family being reunited again as I looked at her, and hearing laughter and general happiness, like Laura had been there all along and not dead. And then I was woken up. Firstly, let me tell anyone who doesnt already know, that it is a sickening, heart wrenching, heart breaking thing, to wake up when you have seen the one you love in a dream.. I feel like this dream was to tell me, no matter how alone I am (a sore point for me at the moment after my break up with Joe and having no friends) and no matter how much my dads side of the family dont get me.. I always have Laura. and my mum. I feel like I was being told that I will always be loved. But I dont feel reassured, I just feel grief that I woke up. But I needed to talk about it so, I apologise for this post.