i think i have a problem...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AfterFact, Apr 27, 2012.

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  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    A week ago on my birthday I took <edit mod total eclipse amt> Adderall XR,twice my prescribed dose. A few days later I took ,Seraquel,XR, triple my prescribed both were to get high, it was the only thing I had left, I just needed to cope.I can't kill myself, I have too many responsiblites, I tried it dozens of times before in a one year period, I didn't want that pain and suffering again. I promised I would never self harm again, I'm promised I would never drunk again until I am 21, but what happened two days ago, something I ranted about in the chatroom and in Let It All Out forum, I became numb forvthe first time in years, I felt an urge I thought I had under control, gone even. I wanted to feel, I wanted relief, I couldn't just let myself boil inside, keep everything locked away, I had to let it out. This morning I took eight pillsof Adderall XR normal dose of Cylexa, of Adderall XR.I have increased dosage each time I have tried to get high.I have ADHD,I won't get speedy high, likely spaced out high. Im almost to school now, I don't know what's going to happen, hasn't fully kicked in yet, but I do know that I have to stop this, I know I have a problem, but I don't know how I can fix this, I don't have much energy left, it was expended years ago.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 27, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You at school go into office a councillor and get some support set up now tell them what you have done
     
  3. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    My God I sound like I did in 2010 on my these forums. I couldn't do it, I couldn't tell anyone, I was high as fuck, but I crashed like a car into a brick wall, I felt like shit for most of the afternoon, but im ok.
     
  4. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I posted the following message on facebook.

    I have a problem, a serious problem. I have a problem with prescription drugs, mainly adderall, seraquel. I am not going to go into details, I'm not saying this for the attention. I'm saying this because for the last week, I've have been getting high on my own medicaiton, to the point where today, I crashed so hard I was shaking and suddering, I was physically sick, and thats not acceptable. What I am doing to myself is wrong. I didnt go to the police, I didnt go to the nurse, I didnt tell anyone. I suffered silently, and then I ran 7 miles during track practice, luckily by which point the effects were wearing off. I am giving myself a warning, a promise that I am motivated to keep. I will never get high again as long as I am in school, and if I do, I will voluntarly admit myself to a hosptial, until I am better. I cant believe im doing this, so I'm going to press the post button before I start regreting this.

    I'm tired of saying things and not doing them. Instead of posting Suicide Forums, saying I wont do this again, I promised in full view of hundreds of classmates and friends. Its time I got my head out of my ass and change before I relapse to the point of no return.
     
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