A week ago on my birthday I took <edit mod total eclipse amt> Adderall XR,twice my prescribed dose. A few days later I took ,Seraquel,XR, triple my prescribed both were to get high, it was the only thing I had left, I just needed to cope.I can't kill myself, I have too many responsiblites, I tried it dozens of times before in a one year period, I didn't want that pain and suffering again. I promised I would never self harm again, I'm promised I would never drunk again until I am 21, but what happened two days ago, something I ranted about in the chatroom and in Let It All Out forum, I became numb forvthe first time in years, I felt an urge I thought I had under control, gone even. I wanted to feel, I wanted relief, I couldn't just let myself boil inside, keep everything locked away, I had to let it out. This morning I took eight pillsof Adderall XR normal dose of Cylexa, of Adderall XR.I have increased dosage each time I have tried to get high.I have ADHD,I won't get speedy high, likely spaced out high. Im almost to school now, I don't know what's going to happen, hasn't fully kicked in yet, but I do know that I have to stop this, I know I have a problem, but I don't know how I can fix this, I don't have much energy left, it was expended years ago.