I think I have become a literary character

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Flaxney, Jan 26, 2016.

  1. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    “The study was slowly lit up as the candle was brought in. The familiar details came out: the stag's horns, the bookshelves, the looking-glass, the stove with its ventilator, which had long wanted mending, his father's sofa, a large table, on the table an open book, a broken ash-tray, a manuscript-book with his handwriting. As he saw all this, there came over him for an instant a doubt of the possibility of arranging this new life, of which he had been dreaming on the road. All these traces of his life seemed to clutch him, and to say to him: 'No, you're not going to get away from us, and you're not going to be different, but you're going to be the same as you've always been; with doubts, everlasting dissatisfaction with yourself, vain efforts to amend, and falls, and everlasting expectations, of a happiness which you won't get, and which isn't possible for you.” - Konstantin Levin, from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

    I can't even find what I am looking for on a forum full of people that are probably as lonely, or even lonelier, than I am. I realise that happiness does not come from an external source, that you have to find it within yourself, so I am just pinning what is left of my hopes on something futile. Perhaps I should stop looking, again, and allow the remains of my personality to dissipate within the miasma of my loneliness. Most of the time it feels as if I died long ago and I just spend my time burying the corpse, piece by piece.
     
  2. Arcturus

    Arcturus Active Member

    Hey Flaxney,

    I can't say I understand what you're going through, but sometimes disassociating from reality into fiction is a way of dealing with circumstances that seem beyond our ability to control. One thing that can help is finding positive messages in literature to associate with. Sometimes people can accidentally bury ourselves by accidentally finding only the negative imagery in literature. I know it might sound silly, but I really think you could start turning it around by finding positive traits in yourself, and re-affirming those positive qualities in whatever way makes sense to you.

    And don't give up, even though life can become lonely sometimes. You haven't died yet; you're not a corpse, but you are "burying" yourself in a manner of speaking. But the good news is that if you dug the hole yourself, you can make it out again. I can't say I know your circumstances, but I think life is worth living.

    I think it's also worth noting that the ending of Anna Karenina is life-affirming, even through all the tragedies of the plot. People are imperfect and flawed, but Tolstoy's message, in the end, comes across as largely positive.

    I hope you make it through all of this.