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I think i have mommy issues (18/M) [x-post from relationships]

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by rigadoog, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. rigadoog

    rigadoog Active Member

    for as long as i can remember ive really never liked my mom or felt any special affection for her at all. i always hear people say shit like "you better not say that about my mom" or whatever, you know what i mean. i just dont get it. to me, my mom is just another person, and a person i dont like very much at that.

    ive come to realize just recently that ive been right all along about not wanting a relationship with my mom. i can remember so many times where i told myself, "no this is the last straw. shes just an asshole and im never going to have a decent relationship with her" but then my dad and brothers and therapists and whatnot are always saying that if i want to feel better i have to like my parents. i know thats bullshit and ive been markedly less suicidal since ive started completely ignoring my mom and not trying to have any relationship with her.

    since i never really had a good relationship with her i really dont feel any kind of void or anything that im sure people feel when they love their mom and then she dies. i just feel nothing for her, and i would be perfectly ok if i never talked to her again. but i think its really fucking up my relationships with everyone. i find myself unable to really open up to any other males. ive had some really good friendships with girls where i have opened up to them, but in every case i can remember, i was interested in a bf/gf relationship and they werent, which led to them just completely cutting off communication and not responding to any texts, inbox, etc.

    i graduated high school in june, and i decided not to go away to college yet because i knew i wouldnt be able to get the work done due to my depression. so now everyone i knew in high school is away at college, and after missing the 2nd half of senior year cause of suicide attempts and psych ward visits, i really lost touch with most of the friends i did have. i still talk to them but on the rare occassion that i was actually invited to hang out with them there was no real connection, i never feel like it was even worth leaving the house to see them.

    im not seriously unattractive or stupid or anything but i know if my friends only liked me for that then i wouldnt want to be their friends anyways. but i just dont understand whats so weird or wrong about me that people never want to be around me or even talk to me. im a pretty fucking interesting person tbh just sometimes anxious in social situations and i refuse to conform in many ways.
  2. rigadoog

    rigadoog Active Member

    My older brother has been suicidal too, and when my mom says things like "i feel like i must have done something wrong as a parent" I silently agree. Obviously its not 100% her fault, but she caused a lot of problems.
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I am not a therapist so obviously this is just my uninformed opinion, but I do not necessarily think that your lack of connection with your mother is anything to do with your lack of friends or gf.

    If you do not like your mother and feel better for cutting her out of your life, then you should do that. Many people do and are better off for it. It seems far more likely that your issues with friends is your apathy; people can basically tell when you don't want to be around them and you admit to preferring to stay in than hang out with them. When it comes to girls, it is not at all uncommon to graduate high school without having a girlfriend. Things have to align in a certain way for you to like someone 'like that' and for them to feel the same.

    It is not what anyone on here wants to hear, but the truth is that in general people do not choose to be with someone who is depressed and miserable and suicidal and isolates. That is a hard shell to crack. If you love someone and they 'go that way' that is one thing; if you meet someone in a bad way like that, the honest truth is that most people are not attracted to that.

    I suggest continuing to do as you are with your mother and no, you do not have to 'like your parents' to be happy. Work on yourself and your own happiness and the rest will come.

    Stay safe :hug: