I think I have reached that point where I should probably be calling crisis team. I wont though. 1 - because my parents are in and they may be able to overhear the call and 2 - because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't know what they would be able to do. I was reading someones blog about her self harm, hospital admissions and thought while I was reading it. That is me. But the difference is she has managed to ask for help. She is also in a career position where if you have mental health issues you are made to feel as if you should know better and you should be more able to avoid them. It's stupid isn't it. She was admitted to hospital. I think I may need to be. I am going to carry on trying to hide it as much as I can. It would make me worse initially but then I know when I have had patients that have presented the same as I am doing I have kept them safe even if they are intent on harming themselves. My mind is playing crazy mind games with itself. I have 2 different people inside me. They are constantly fighting each other and it's breaking me down bit by bit. I have tried all day to distract myself...I mean, look at the number of posts on here I have done. I know I will let tonight. The thing that is bothering me is that these feelings I am having now are the ones where I have already decided I am going to get wasted and cut and then take OD's etc. I have no alcohol in the house luckily. Hopefully letting will help some.