I think I know how I am going to do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MiserableinLA, May 5, 2009.

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  1. MiserableinLA

    MiserableinLA New Member

    Hello all. I turned 40 recently and have com out here to LA to build a new life with a new job,etc. The problem is, as soon as I got here, I started suffering from what I thought were allergies. It turns out (after giving up my dog, moving three times in 9 months, seeing loads of MDs and specialists) that I have developed an acute sensitivity to chemicals, so acute that I am its dabilitating at this point. No doctor knows what to do or really seems to care. I have constant headaches and sinus pressure that never leaves me. Miserable cannot begin to describe this hell. I have not slept for 10 months. The pressure inside of my head effects everything. I am alone and my friends and family have pretty much given up on me as going through psychological/ emotional issues. The psychological/ emotional issues are the result of the pain, not the cause. Doen't matter now anyways. I'm out of false hopes, stuck in this situation and have never felt surer about killing myself. Even <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> feels good (getting rid of the pain) . None of the medicines work any more. the only relief I get is when I dive up to the mountains, high above the pollution that is most likely the cause. It is there, in the mountains where I plan <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> today. It is a beautiful day and I am really at peace with this idea. I feel badly for my family and friends but I can no longer appeal to them for anyting.

    Wish me luck!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it sounds so miserable to be allergic to so much...I am only allergic to arrogance and egoism...and these make me miserable...hope you feel better soon and welcome again...big hugs, J
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support


    It does indeed sound as though you are suffering, miserably! You're right that pain and discomfort can be crazy-making sometimes. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time and that your family is not being very supportive. But SF is a really good place to get support, so keep coming here and talking to us!

    Please don't give up on finding a solution, and please don't follow through on your suicidal ideas. You made a big move a few months ago and more or less reinvented yourself, and I really think it would be sad to give up on all you've done.

    Hmmm...You've certainly tried really hard to find answers from lots of different docs/specialists.

    I couldn't tell from your post if the pressure you feel is a "headache", but you mentioned that meds aren't working anymore, so it sounds like maybe it is headaches. If you are getting headaches, you could be suffering from "rebound headaches". Rebound headaches occur because of taking too much pain medication. Taking pain meds for two or more days in a row and then stopping them can result in a really bad rebound headache. (Been there, done that.) It's like our bodies overreact to not having the pain meds anymore. The only way to stop rebound headaches is to suffer through one with NO meds for a few days and from then on, keep the meds to a minimum, less than twice a week if possible. (I have also discovered that for my own headaches/sensitivities, a small bit of a motion sickness tablet (not even 1/4 of a tablet!) will stop me from feeling the nausea and pressure-like headache if I take the bit of tablet as soon as I notice I'm not feeling 100%.)

    Do you work indoors? Have you tried one of those air filtering systems in your work-station area? I have a portable unit at home. It helps. (I didn't buy a really expensive one, but it wasn't really a cheap one either. It has been worth a lot more than the few hundred dollars I spent on it!) Air conditioning also helps.

    Stress, even positive stressors, can add to headaches in my experience. Stress makes me grind my teeth, which puts pressure on my jaw and then my whole head. Now I have a mouth guard that reduces the amount pressure if I grind. (Something to think about: A new job and a new city would be perfect "positive" stressors for me! Could they be contributing to your present condition?)
    At any rate, even if these ideas are not relevant to your situation, you've moved and started over, and have developed this unfortunate problem - BUT there's no rule that you can't move AGAIN if you need to. It might be inconvenient and difficult to do quickly or soon, but it IS doable. Please don't give up on yourself!


    PS: Need to mention to everyone, we're not allowed to talk about methods on the forum. MiserableinLA, I've edited your OP (very minor) because you mentioned specific methods. (You can find all the rules and guidelines in the FAQ http://www.suicideforum.com/faq.php).
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