I think I may need pills again

[merlin123]

I only took antidepressants for a year when I was 16-17 years old. It was horrible, I still felt bad, and I couldn't cry even if I wanted to. I decided to stop taking them but still try therapy. My history with therapists is not a very good one and there's always something bad that happens that makes me stop going to that therapist

I stopped going to my last therapist in may for I had to move to another city to keep studying. I thought I could manage it with no help and that I'd be better in this city but things have only got worse. I'm starting to have random pains in my body, stiffness, I am not aware of how anxious I constantly am until the lowest sounds scares me... The scare is so painful it feels my heart is going to explode

I'm having relationship problems, family problems, college problems, internal problems, etc, etc, etc. I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I have time to go to a therapist but there's this place near my college that I think provides psychological support to students, for free. Since I study psychology I may meet some of my professors there and that scares me but I can't afford a private therapist

I think I may need to take pills again, I'm against them and I hate the idea but I am feeling so bad, so bad. It doesn't let me focus on my degree and that makes me even more anxious and depressed

I don't want to get to a point of chronic pain, I'm only 20 and it's starting. I don't want to keep living like this

 

[Petal]

Hello @merlin123 I am really sorry for how you are feeling, that sounds awful but I hope you can ride it out until the calmness after whatever is going on now. You say you are against medication, but if it could change how you feel in a positive manner wouldn't it be wise to at least have a few more tries of them? Its not a one size fits all as you know so what might help one person might not help another but I think you should definitely see a doctor and discuss your fears about taking them and I hope that, that will put your thoughts to rest.

Regarding the counseling, I think you should give it a shot, maybe find one that is not one of your professors or even if it was one of them, there is no shame in feeling the way you do so look at it from the view point. It's an illness not something you should feel shame over.

I hope things turn out for the best for you and as you know SF is here for you 24/7 so keep that in mind, there's always someone that will listen here. I wish you the best

 

[MarvelFan]

I only took antidepressants for a year when I was 16-17 years old. It was horrible, I still felt bad, and I couldn't cry even if I wanted to. I decided to stop taking them but still try therapy. My history with therapists is not a very good one and there's always something bad that happens that makes me stop going to that therapist

I stopped going to my last therapist in may for I had to move to another city to keep studying. I thought I could manage it with no help and that I'd be better in this city but things have only got worse. I'm starting to have random pains in my body, stiffness, I am not aware of how anxious I constantly am until the lowest sounds scares me... The scare is so painful it feels my heart is going to explode

I'm having relationship problems, family problems, college problems, internal problems, etc, etc, etc. I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I have time to go to a therapist but there's this place near my college that I think provides psychological support to students, for free. Since I study psychology I may meet some of my professors there and that scares me but I can't afford a private therapist

I think I may need to take pills again, I'm against them and I hate the idea but I am feeling so bad, so bad. It doesn't let me focus on my degree and that makes me even more anxious and depressed

I don't want to get to a point of chronic pain, I'm only 20 and it's starting. I don't want to keep living like this

Did you not have a problem getting through any side effects for the first month or 2 waiting for them to kick in?

All I know is that antidepressants raise the serotonin levels in your brain and since you were on them for awhile before I dont think it will hurt to get on them maybe again for awhile.

 

[Butterfly]

@merlin123 It sounds like you are having an incredibly stressful time right now. It’s positive and encouraging that you acknowledge that you’re struggling and have already thought about ways to reach out for help. I know counselling can be hit and miss, but it might help to be able to offload your struggles to someone who can help you look at things from a different angle. It’s definitely worth looking into the place that provides psychological support for students. Also, needing medication again isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. I hate taking medication too but at times it’s whats needed to help me get by. The meds might lift the black cloud enough for you to concentrate on your studies and start to find solutions to your other problems.


I hope that you feel better soon xx

 

[merlin123]

Thank you for the answers guys

even if it was one of them, there is no shame in feeling the way you do so look at it from the view point

I don't feel shame for feeling how I feel, but if I went to a therapist I wouldn't like them to be my professor because in therapy you tell really private things and I wouldn't feel comfortable talking or seeing a professor in class who knows way too much about myself

Did you not have a problem getting through any side effects for the first month or 2 waiting for them to kick in?

I had the common side effects of not sleeping at night and sleeping at day, trembling, and I don't really remember if I had anything else... I wouldn't like to take antidepressants though, I think anxiolytics may be better for me right now, but I know how addictive they are and that scares me, so if I had the option to have them just for emergencies and take them when I am having an anxiety attack that'd be good. I'd have to be really careful and sensible though...