i think i might be bipolar...

[tip]

Hi I'm 20 and at Uni in the UK. I didn't really know what is was until recently. Always assumed it was another name for Schizophrenia. Saw a program about it and it really opened my mind, but left my questioning myself.

You see some days..are good. I look good, and am just in a good mood, even if bad stuff happens I'll stay in a good mood sometimes - and just charge it to the way things are supposed to be. I feel like someone important and get looks from girls that really boosts my confidence.

Others are bad...I look and feel like shit, I question everything; every relationship in my life, just my existence in general. I often compare myself to others and end up in a hole. I feel ugly, short and fat - why would any girl like me? Like I said I analyze everything and come to the conclusion that the only friend in my life is my slightly younger sis - and everyone else is just fake.

I wouldn't say my mood swings are drastic or anything; it just varies gradually, day by day, or over the course of a day.

It can be something like going from thinking my glasses are cool and in fashion, to thinking im a blind geek.

When I read up about it, it talked about sex drive too. That when in a positive mood you have a high sex drive, but when depressed you completely ignore this. I would say this is true too,I always used to think I thought about sex too much, its less now but its still there for sure.

There is no history of bipolar as such in my family, but there is some of depression on my mother's side of the family (I am like her lot).

I act normal to people, and no-one would ever say this about me. But I've noticed it with my best mate that when we chat sometimes im in a gd happy mood and other times im moaning and depressed. This can happen over the course of a few hours.

ALso I'm very sensitive, especially for a guy (so sexist people would think :dry: ). Like, even someone going without saying goodbye from work or on msn upsets me. I can honestly say I ALWAYS make the effort to say goodbye to all my friends, wherever we are.

I want to add one of the...weirdest things. When I was really young I made up an imaginary person that I'd be..like a celebrity...an actor...or wrestler, and I'd pretend I was this person, and even make up imaginary events that would happen and stuff in my head. The thing is...I still do and I'm 20 now...and I just can't stop.......I don't think I AM this person, it's just a little fictional world I like to escape to...it's cut down ALOT but I still get it at times where I pretending I'm this person in a new film or being interviewed. No-one knows this...it's strictly between me and myself. IT's really worrying...

I'm not sure if I actually am "manic depressive" or bipolar, but so many signs point to this. I really don't know what to do because I really do contemplate if anyone would miss me and stuff like just going away, I blame this for breaking up me and my gf because I was so insecure and would just get into moods where I'd argue with her for nothing. And now I relise I made a huge mistake because we're such a good match. It's ruining my life, I suffer from low confidence and am generally shy.

Sorry for such a long post...I'm just so confused and in a low mood...I just had to ask on here where people may have had past experience of this and be able to help.

Thanks you to anyone who takes the time to read and help.

God bless,

tip.

 

[reborn1961]

I am bipolar. I was misdiagnosed for the last 7 years with clinical depression resulting from post traumatic stress disorder. After my most recent suicide attempt I decided to commit myself for a few weeks. During that time a new doctor discovered I was bipolar after several interviews etc. Once I was put on bipolar drugs I got better for the first time in 7 years. I still struggle a bit with the PTSD but am in much more control of my moods/emotions than I ever was on sedatives and sleeping pills.

The only way to determine if you are bipolar is to see a psychiatrist. And even they can be wrong as my psychiatrist of 7 years was. Thats why trying to hang in and being willing to try different doctors and medications is sometimes necessary to find the right answers. Yes it can suck when it takes as long as mine did but the answers that will work for you are out there, you just have to put some effort into the process to. The medical field is like any business........buyer beware. So ask questions, get second, third etc opinions, whatever it takes to get better. Good luck.

 

[tip]

hi reborn, thanks for the help

Obviously my case isn't the quite as extreme as yours but your advice is valued definately.

It's difficult definately,; at the end of the day, docs and psychiatrists see how many people in a day? week? etc., so they're chances of getting it right aren't anywhere near 100% are they?(understandably) So yeah your right more than one opinion is required.

I have told anyone yet, planning on telling my best mate this week and getting her opinion too. It's difficult going to my doctr as he' been my family doctor..for like forever, so I know my fam would find out (even though he's not supposd to say anything by law...asians work differently lol).

It;s jst this would logically explain so many things in my life, but if you told anyone that knew me they wouldn't believe you!

Part of wants it to be true because it explains alot of stuff in my life, but part of me doesn't want it to be true, and this to be just some huge faze that will pass.

It's like when you see something and you think its so far away from home..but really its right there staring at you..and you just dunno what to do or believe..

thanks alot though mate, I hope you've found your answers now

 

[ItsJustme]

Im 27 and still have daydreams of me being a super hero helping people, sometimes I kind of look back on what I have just been thinking and tell myself....'"what the hell are you thinking about! get on and carry on with whatever you are doing"

So I do share that with you, and I guess its a part of yourself that wants to get out and help but in real terms you might be to shy to do it....plus I cant fly in the real world lol :biggrin:



Was the program you watched about Stephen Fry and other people with Bi-polar? as I watched that program and it was not until then that I really realised that iI could well be Bi-polar, I knew I had depression and all the things that go with Bi-polar but have never seen anyone about it so just passed it off as me just being a bit of a wreck :rolleyes:


You sound a lot like me, your post is very similar to what I would write about myself.


Justme.

 

[tip]

yeahh! Was the Stephen Fry program, was quite surprised to learn he had all these problems because he comes across vry confident on screen, was shocked when he talked about how he nearly killed himself.

I guess I can relate to that, I come across normal to everyone...but I know I'm not.

Yeahh man I totally get you, I'm sure I've daydreamed about something dramatic happening like some people kidnapping me and telling me I have special powers and I am the worlds saviour...just something that makes me feel special.

I think just like you were pointing to, something lies deep down inside that makes us want to stand above the crowd and be loved and special, but this doesn't happen in real life so we escape to this fantasy in our minds where we are these people. I know I love to pretend I'm Captain Jack Sparrow in my head too! lol

If I discussed his with any of my friends I'd be a laughing stock, so it's good to see people are in the same boat. Yeah those after moments of "dude...what the hell!" to yourself can be very odd!

Sometimes this ties in with my depression, I look at it afterwards and think "how could I be THAT guy..look at me", it kind of helps to get away and be that person in my head sometimes, but when you come back, and you look in the mirror and see your not and never will be...it hurts.

Justme does anyone in your private life know about this stuff?

 

[ItsJustme]

I try to act 'normal' all day long hidding all my inner feelings and depression and I think ive done well so far, but it is good to talk to someone in the real world about it face to face as it does help I think.

You will probably find that you will talk alot if you trust your friend and it can be a lot for someone else to take in and understand so my advise start off slow and see how it goes.

Only a couple of my close friends know about part of my depression but I cant see them anymore due to a break up in there family so have not seen them in a while and cant see them because of that :sad:

It was a good program and the part about the 26 year old girl hurt me the most as I knew that could be me one day....


Hope you are doing ok today..

 

[tip]

Yeah same here, the normal act is just become apart of me now, who am I really?

I've got my best mate, I could tell her, but she kinda knows I've got problems emotionally really - she blatently lied to me that her mate isn't interesting in relationships at the moment, just to protect me from the rejection that her mate didn't like me. I still don't know if I'd tell her, cos we are serious, but just joke around alot of the time.

Yeah totally, that young girld definately hit home. The shopping bit was a bit odd, where Fry was obsessed with buying stuff - I kind of had this when I had a tough time at Uni last year, but not as bad as him. ALso where he talked about meeting the gaze of anyone he knew, thats why he had to get away, I relate to that too, I alwys regard myself a lone wolf because...I dunno...sometimes being alone is so much easier.

Just found out Fry has quit as host of the BAFTAs after 6 years hosting the awards show. Apparently he felt the nerves he got was too much and decided it was time to give it up. Amazing, watch the BAFTAs and you'd never ever have guessed, just goes to show you that people have no idea - maybe asking for help is the ony way?

Today has been alright, just stayed home and did some work, then went out to a pub for a mates bday, was quite fun, dreading work tomorrow though.

At the moment my main depression stems from my mate's mate who I thought was amazing and I'm pretty sure doesn't think anything of me, and my lack of a driving licence still. Otherwise I've been ok; how about yourself?? Been keeping busy??

It's Diwali - the festival of lights - today, my favourite time of the year, hopefully will be a good one. Happy Diwali to everyone out there.

 

[ItsJustme]

Ive been keeping busy :smile:

You can have my Driving licence lol, hardly been using my car!


Just see how it goes with your mates friend, you never know what might happen - just be yourself and take it from there.... I know its hard wanting to be with someone so much and just hoping it might turn out, if the other person wants to be with you they will - keep up the friendly chat and joking about, making someone feel happy is a good thing :biggrin:

 

[tip]

best thing to keep busy, uni's doing that!

I have no contact with her at the moment, I'll be going to see my friend soon so I will hopefully bump into her there and can pick it up again. It's exactly that, I like her so much,but everytime this happens, the girls aren't interested or I think I just try to hard and flop. When there isnt that pressure it's alot easier.

Have been escaping alot more recently, just completed a ps2 game and keep on daydreaming about the story! I'm such a sucker for RPGs!

What is this...I have many friends...but I feel totally alone..why is my world so empty? Do u ever wonder if anyone (outside your immediate fam) would really miss u if u wer gone?