I think I might be seriously considering it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sparky777, Aug 21, 2013.

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  1. Sparky777

    Sparky777 Well-Known Member

    This may sound silly, but who have I to turn to at this point? I hope this site won't be judgmental. I feel like I might be ready to kill myself sometime soon. I've never had that guts to before but now I really truly feel like I could soon. I feel my best shot is to live my youth, probably the best part of my life, and then finish myself. I have no interest to continue living in this horrible fucking world. The truth is, nothing is genuine and the world might be beautiful when we're young but in reality it grows uglier and uglier as you grow older. Quite frankly, I'm so tired, and I'm so bitter, I can't see the good in anything anymore. Maybe I'm being immature, its possible, but I can't help but feel this way. I might live past highschool or college and then just end it.
     
  2. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Sparky, my friend, Im really sorry youre suffering. I don't think its immature, reading this forum has shocked me as to how many members are so young. You dont have to be an adult to feel the way you do. My problem started over 25 years ago in my teens. If i had have done something about it then my life might have turned out different, more livable. You've acknowledged you have a problem while you are still young so your future isnt fucked up yet. You have the chance to stop the pain and make a better future for yourself. But you have to talk to a psychiatrist, psychologist or a therapist, and soon. Your future is still to be written, dont give up now. Good luck and keep safe. Im here a lot if you need to talk more
     
  3. Sparky777

    Sparky777 Well-Known Member

    This site shocked me as well, because so many people were dealing with shit that's so much worse than what I'm dealing with. 25 years ago what were you dealing with? I want to believe my future is bright but I can't see the good in anything anymore. Absolutely nothing.
     
  4. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hi Sparky777- you are depressed. Your depression is telling you to kill yourself. Try to cure your depression.
     
  5. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    I am the youngest of 3 brothers, the others being popular, easy going, good with girls types who joined the Navy when they were 17. I was shy, quiet, socially awkward, crap with women type who dropped out and became an artist. At first everyone put it own to 'normal' teenage moodyness, later at university it was ' artistic temperament'. bout this time my mom suddenly died and i went to a doctor who gave me seroxat which made my head spin and i stopped taking them. I dropped out of uni, packed a bag of clothes, left the country and everything i owned and never went back. More depressive phases getting worse over the years untill i found myself punching myself in the face one day and was refered to a psycologist and given more drugs. Which I stopped taking eventually, one day i just stopped seeing the doctor and never went back.
    What made me see a psychiatrist was moving in with a girl and her 14 year old daughter. One day i didnt get out of bed for 3 days or eat or speak. The daughter asked her mom to check if I was dead. So off to the docs and the bipolar diagnosis and more drugs. The relationship went wrong a year ago and i left feeling no emotion at all, good things and bad things happen and i felt nothing. A few weeks ago i stopped the meds again smashed my life into the tarmac and on Tuesay i got arrested and later beat up.
    Get help while you can Sparky, I dont want you to feel like me. The world is a better place than we see it at the moment. It has to be.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2013
  6. Sparky777

    Sparky777 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you went through that. Going on and off on drugs constantly is bound to fuck you up in some way. Funny enough, I'm also the artist type, I want to get a degree of some sort in the arts domain. I don't want to get help or see a psychologist and I know it sounds crazy but it's because I don't believe I have depression in the medical sense. I feel I have more of a justified sadness that has nothing to do with any sort of chemical imbalance.
     
  7. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    I heard that a lot of artists, writers and other creative types often have a bipolar disorder of some type. I used to disappear to my room and not be seen for days painting canvas after canvas is one of my manic phases. Then as usual I would smash into the tarmac again and slash them with scalpels or set fire to them.( which actually improved some of them lol ) Some times I had no work to hand in for assessment.
    I still think you should talk to someone about it, if you dont have depression they will confirm it for you and tell you what's really wrong. If you don't find the problem the wont find the cure
     
  8. Sparky777

    Sparky777 Well-Known Member

    I did that recently, in the heat of the moment and all my sadness I ended up aggressively writing words over and over again on a sketchbook until they became illegible (It ended up looking pretty good too lol) I think I know the cure, but it's hard to get there.
     
  9. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Hi Sparky, ive tried to answer your message a couple of times today but I cant get it to work. Thats understandable because Im a clueless oaf at the moment. Im getting on ok today, maybe better than yesterday although i dont know why. So it is possible. How are you, are you feeling more positive today. Dont destroy your art and writing, it could mean a lot to someone else one day. I really regret doing it as i havent painted again, 16 years now. Keep well, and keep up the good fight.
     
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