I think i should just kill myself next time i get my new prescription.

Started panicking because he didn't care about me...
Don't want to go to school, just want to fail.
I'm scared, but you can't tell because of how much of a zombie the drugs made me.

I threatened to take 10mg of ativan but only took 6 and an ambien because I didn't really want to risk hurting myself. I still have alcohol in my system. I'm only allowed 2mg of ativan by the doctor and not allowed to combine it with ambien or alcohol although the ambien is a normal dose. But it IS working, I don't seem to give a shit about what's wrong anymore.

Next time I go back to the doctor and get 60mg of ativan, I think ill just take them all and wash it down with a bottle of captain morgan. Fuck living. Can't take this bullshit anymore.

 

I don't know what it is that I can do to help, but I can try if you want me to.

I hope that somehow things can get better

:hug:

 

He apologized, as though he wasn't doing it on on purpose or knowingly...but he was. I'm not sure if I forgive him yet.

I'm having thoughts of leaving and attempting to kill myself, but I know I can't. This is just my impulsiveness telling me to leave because I got hurt. But I'll probably get over it and it'll be okay again.

He doesn't hate me...right? Not if he apologized and said he loved me this morning. But what if it's just to deceive me and he's really planning on leaving me because he thinks I'm crazy and we won't work out?

I'm not sure what to think...I'm going to do my best to not make any rash decisions though based on no evidence.

 

Try to take your time Tanta and no don't make any rash decisions darl,I know you're feeling or are hurt right now I understand that but give it some proper time ok.