Started panicking because he didn't care about me... Don't want to go to school, just want to fail. I'm scared, but you can't tell because of how much of a zombie the drugs made me. I threatened to take 10mg of ativan but only took 6 and an ambien because I didn't really want to risk hurting myself. I still have alcohol in my system. I'm only allowed 2mg of ativan by the doctor and not allowed to combine it with ambien or alcohol although the ambien is a normal dose. But it IS working, I don't seem to give a shit about what's wrong anymore. Next time I go back to the doctor and get 60mg of ativan, I think ill just take them all and wash it down with a bottle of captain morgan. Fuck living. Can't take this bullshit anymore.