Aged 15, pretty screwed up from an emotionally abusive father - felt unlovable, unattractive. Discovered alcohol would change me, people (men) would be interested in me. One of them 5 years older waited until I was very drunk, led me away and the next thing I remember was that he was making me perform a sexual act on him - he used to do it every weekend, would wait until I was drunk then lead me away. For so long I have blamed myself, because I let it happen more than once. But now as an adult I wonder if maybe this wasn't OK for him to do this.