I think I would love to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by suicidesoon, Jan 17, 2013.

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  1. suicidesoon

    suicidesoon New Member

    Short

    been experiencing suicidal thoughts since I was 7-9 yrs old

    I enjoy the suicidal thoughts very much..makes me feel powerful ...a chance to freedom from this troubled life
    Although I have passed very well in high school, something just doesn't feel right

    I have seeked therapists/life coaches but most that I have met have very high service prices and get angry when they finally realize that you dont have the cash

    I think my suicide day is around the corner...the only reason I am alive is I haven't identified the perfect way to die(cheaply) and also by the fact that I was born into a christian family and I cant bare the thought of going to HELL# like seriously earth is definately better than hell

    Why soon? I am dong research on people views to understand if God exists, if he doesnt then hell does not also and I can kill myself. Hurray!

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks
    SS
     
  2. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    why do you want to die? what would it give you that you don't have (enough) of now?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You want control and having these feeling gives you some kind of control feeling in your mind The way to have control hun is to get your life back on a healing path. You reach out and get supports you need ok you keep fighting until you have won hugs
     
  4. suicidesoon

    suicidesoon New Member

    Freedom...I assume there is an afterlife

    Also, in Funerals I will be celebrated for being well behaved and good academically
    If I continue living, my track record could go sore

    A life well lived
     
  5. suicidesoon

    suicidesoon New Member

    I have the tried the path of healing since 2011...was terribly unsuccessful and I basically gave up:nonchalance:
     
  6. Idontbelive

    Idontbelive New Member

    Hi I am my self an atheist or agnostic, not sure. I think honestly that death is worse since you just turn into nothing in space. All that molecules that you are made of go into the ground and turn into something else. But of course when you are dead you don´t think about it. I would never wish for someone to die, even trough the pain people feel.. I think it is because that is how we are installed and that I am to egoistic about the love I feel for people in general (deep down). But honestly life is so strange and creepy but I think the thought about the moment of dying makes me scared. What if? What if you turn out to have a really great life some day? You meet the love of your life? You find a great thing about life? Or that you might not be happy but really fulfilled somehow? As I said, life in my though bust just be entrant emptiness, sure pain dosnt exist, happiness dosnt exist, its nothing... Which is way more deeper that pain.. Just think about it... Realize the time that you have, whom you can spend your though in...

    /Maria
     
  7. suicidesoon

    suicidesoon New Member

    Thanks for the Hearted response..very possible

    That one day might be too late though

    Thanks
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, but how can you trust who's to say if God exists or not? It's something that if YOU believe in it, it is there. I am sorry you feel like you have no other choice than suicide. You mention that you cannot afford therapists/life coaches..but what about hotlines, such as the samaritans? If you do not have the samaritans in your area, you can e-mail them , or try the befrienders site. Just throwing some suggestions out there! I hope you decide to stay with us, :hug:
     
  9. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    I am a christian so I believe in God but I'm not sure that there is a hell as portrayed by the church.

    I once went to a church of spiritual life - one that believes in conconioous after death. They are basically a bunch of mediums. One of the leaders claimed that suicides always return to life to relive a struggle to see if they could get through it. Sort of a forced second chance. Can't think of that as anything but HELL.
     
  10. Sephy

    Sephy New Member

    I don't believe in god. But i believe there is something that guides us. A Force. Stronger than anything you can imagine. We each are here for a reason. Something to do. Doesn't matter how little. Even the smallest changes can make a difference. Like someone dropped a wallet. You picked it up. Yelled after him - "Hei Mister, You dropped this." He stops. Looks at you. And you both feel good. You showed kindness & he got to know it. But what you both didn't know. That the man was just about to cross the road, while a car passed by under a red light. That the man would have died. If not for your kind heart.

    I have something else to share. Something that happened with me. When i was in middle school. Me & my 2 friends went to dig caves in a sand quarry. We each dug one where we fit to stand straight. But suddenly. "Boom" I went outside. And my friends were gone. Also 2 of the caves. At first, i thought it was a joke. Found my friends leg. Tickled it. Thought it was so funny. Then it hit me. One of the strongest feelings in my life. This is bad. So bad. They are in danger. There was no one around for miles. I started to dig. Dug their heads out first. For air. Then their chests. And then the rest. One was unconscious. Slapped him. He woke up. I was relieved. He coughed blood a little. But was fine overall. I was thankful that they lived. And proud of myself.

    You like power? How about overcoming thought situations? Why not learn something. That would separate you from the rest. To make a difference when needed. Where it really matters. It also would give you a goal in life. We each need a goal. To survive the boring everyday life.

    We all hide behind a mask. Do what you truly want. Tell what you truly feel. We won't live forever. Life is like a circus. Why not enjoy it?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2013
  11. listless

    listless Banned Member

    "The thought of suicide is a powerful solace: by means of it one gets through many a bad night."-Friedrich Nietzsche

    There's no hell you can stop worrying about that. I believe in it's inexistence as strongly as any believer thinks it's real.
    The evidence is on my side-none, so hell is not real, nor is the rest of the man-made nonsense like god, heaven etc.
     
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