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I think I'll do it...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Rukia, May 12, 2007.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    You don't have to read, because I'm not worth your time.

    I realized tonight that it's not getting better. No matter how much I try to enjoy living, I only end up thinking about how to kill myself. I can't blame the voices anymore, because they've agreed to leave me alone until tuesday, and I'm getting more suicidal every day. Seeing my mum in such bad mood last night triggered me more than I thought it could, but seeing her so happy today made it even worse. I'm not a kid anymore. :mad:
    I left my friends house crying tonight, but no one there noticed. They should be able to tell that I'm lying after all these years, but they don't. :dry: I sometimes wish that they would force me to talk, force me to lean on them, but I don't think they understand how lost I am.
    I'm ready to leave. I've got all I need to end it, but it wasn't supposed to be this way, or today. My last exam is on tuesday, and I'll have nothing left to live for after that. Why not end it right now? I really want to, nothing is holding me back. Maybe I'll just SH until my brain is to damaged to function. I don't really feel guilty anymore, no one needs me to be alive anymore :smile:
  2. reborn1961

    reborn1961 Guest

    Of course you are worth time. First, you will always be a child to your parents even when your 60 so let it go, its life. As for your friends, well we humans really screw ourselves. We expect people to be mind readers and when they don't we get pissed and hurt. Guess what, they are not. If you want to reach out to them then do. I am sure some of them may have issues that they expect you to know and you don't.

    I hope you reconsider. It sounds like your young thus really have not experienced enough of life to leave it so fast. I sure you hate when us old folks say that but ask yourself this......If a 10 year old your know wanted to exit, would you try and help and stop them? I am sure you are because your compassion and kindness shine through your words. Feel free to pm me. Try and give yourself more time.
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    My friends know that I'm suicidal, and that I won't ask for help anymore. Things will never change.
  4. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Sometimes it is too much to expect change but that doesn't mean your situation can't evolve. Even when we are firmly in the grip of a hellish experience we usually have some guidance over where we will end up but in our pain we shut our eyes and let go of the steering wheel.

    It seems like you have used the exams as a point that you can endure no further, it is a good coping skill until you reach that final date, when you reach it you will need to reassess what you are going to do, be it find another focal point some time in the future or end your life.

    I hope you choose the former, I'm not saying it will be easy but guide yourself along, at least to find yourself where you want to be even if you are not enjoying yourself, you never know what life may bring and anything is possible and although the unlikely can happen it is best to get professional help while you are able.

    Depression can go away untreated but it's best to get it seen to if possible, friends and family aren't always best to rely upon as most normal people just don't have the coping skills needed to deal with a suicidal loved ones. Professionals, while not perfect are trained nonetheless to treat the disease based on what has worked in the past, sometimes even the simplest thing can help the most if you can but find that advice.
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