That thought just hit me and it made me feel really shitty... I don't like change. I really feel comfortable doing routines and eating the same things everyday, sitting in the same places everyday (etc.). I want to get better because I don't want to feel like this anymore, but if I get better will I be the same person? I hate myself more than anyone or anything in this world, but deep down I know I kind of like the type of guy I am. I've been sad and depressed for about 80 percent of the last 10 years and have thought about killing myself multiple times everyday (even during the good times)... How can you take away such a huge part of who I've become and not be changed? ... I guess I'll just add it to the long list of why I won't get help... Does anyone else feel this way? Is it weird that I feel this way? My middle name should be ambivalence.