I think I'm an abuser and its killing me

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Hi I'm a social phobic farther of 3, met their mothers a long time ago, they were the strong out going type of girls who did all the work.

The last 11 years of my life has been centred around my kids, I don't and never have had a social life of my own. Now my daughter has reached the age where she is interested in boys, this has been going on for a year or two, she had a steady boyfriend for 16months who was also 10 at the time, the problem was that she lives with her mother so I don't always know whats going on, her mother was allowing them into her bedroom to be alone togther, needless to say things were getting heated between them. When I found out I snapped, I've always been closer to my daughter than anyone else including her mother, we used to spend all the spare time I had togther and she would dread going back to her mums, which really made her mum jealous. But since I found out about her bedroom antics I have become possesive and jealous, to the point were I am obssesive about every little thing she does or says, this last 8 months we havehad run in after run in.
But every time after an arguement she would come back to me being more loving than ever.

In july she admitted to me that she was going out with the old bedroom boyfriend again after keeping it a secret for two weeks, I demanded she finished the relationship, she told me her mother didn't know about it but I had other feelings like everyone else knew. On her last day of school which should have been a happy occasion, I missed the fact that she got commended by her teachers for her behaviou and all I could see was that she was sat next to the old bf laughing and joking all the way through the assembley. That night I accused her in front of her mother about lying to me again, this lead her mother to lose her temper and my daughter decided she didn't want to see me any more.

I was heart broken filled with thoughts of suicide, I tried to make contact but was rebuffed. This went on for 10 days, days which I had taked off of work to spend with the kids to take them on holiday, anyway she came back and we had the best weekend in a long time.

Then I went to work on sunday night, we had arranged that she would text or phone me tuesday or wednessday to come and see me. All night I couldn't take my mind of her, was it really her who made the decission not to see me or her jealous mother, tottally obsessing with every little detail of conversation. This again was the story for monday night.
Tuesday came and by mid afternoon she had not made contact so I text her a friendly request, she text me back saying that she was out with friends and not coming. That should have been the end of it but no I found and after a couple of times her mother answered and passed the phone to her, She explained that she was with friends again and I tried to make her feel guilty and saying that it had been a lovely 10 years we had spent togther but it was over now. Her mother sensed that something was going on and was screaming at her to put the phone down and tell me to F off, my daughter was reluctant but then said she didn't want to see me anymore.

Silly enough I got into the car to drive over there all the time my ex was on the phone screaming at me telling me I would never see her again and I messed it up only after 2 days. When I arrived I walked straight in and saw my daughter being sick in the toilet when I approached her she backed into the corner and screamed in terror. I have never physically hurt her never hit her, but boy was she scared. I never even realised how frightend of me she has become, I hate myself and want to die. I can't live with out her.

I'm seeking counsiling for my obsessive habits and trying to tackle my underlying problems, insecurities.

Should I just get it over with and hope she makes a good recovery or wait it out and hope she comes back allthough I realise things have got to change. Right now I just want to sleep for ever.

sorry for the long post I have a lot of sh*t going on in my head
I wondered how things were going for you now? With help in getting through some of these issues I think you should be able to mend the relationship with your daughter. You will have to earn back her trust and respect and that might not be easy. Don't give up.your kids are worth the effort. thinking of your situation. :hug:
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