I smoke copious amounts of weed a week. It beats reality and since I found out that me and 5 other people are being laid off again in June, I just feel like dying again. Weed is the only thing that gets the extreme feeling of dissatisfaction out of my head and the feelings of loneliness and hatred for everything are gone once I light up a joint. I hate life and I hate everything including myself and there is nothing I can do to change anything, I can't drill a hole in my head and insert a hypodermic and draw out the mild aspergers I have or make myself younger so I can do my hobby as a career which I started too late in life and break this fucking cycle. I can't make myself less repulsive to women. I can't insert any kind of intelligence that can get me into college and I can't help the fact that my company is laying me and 5 of my co-workers off in June due to cuts and I will be on the dole. I can try and get a job and I will but with the economy how it is, then its probably going to be a long tome before I do. I need weed every day or I might kill myself, if I don't have something that's going to put my mind in a weird place then I'm probably going to either snap and/or kill myself. I have nothing here on this earth and I'm ready to leave it and I will if I don't smoke weed at some point each day. Fuck life. This may lead to mental problems in my life but if I don't smoke it then I will have other problems, so I think I will smoke it all now and then get all the problems at once which means I will probably play chicken with a freight train and die then instead of tonight. If I ever went to see a councillor then I would probably have to be high whilst that toff prick offers what he thinks is good advice because he hasn't struggled a day in his toff prick life.