I think I'm developing a mental dependence on cannabis

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Ihatemyselfalot, Mar 3, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    I smoke copious amounts of weed a week. It beats reality and since I found out that me and 5 other people are being laid off again in June, I just feel like dying again.

    Weed is the only thing that gets the extreme feeling of dissatisfaction out of my head and the feelings of loneliness and hatred for everything are gone once I light up a joint.

    I hate life and I hate everything including myself and there is nothing I can do to change anything, I can't drill a hole in my head and insert a hypodermic and draw out the mild aspergers I have or make myself younger so I can do my hobby as a career which I started too late in life and break this fucking cycle.
    I can't make myself less repulsive to women.
    I can't insert any kind of intelligence that can get me into college and I can't help the fact that my company is laying me and 5 of my co-workers off in June due to cuts and I will be on the dole. I can try and get a job and I will but with the economy how it is, then its probably going to be a long tome before I do.

    I need weed every day or I might kill myself, if I don't have something that's going to put my mind in a weird place then I'm probably going to either snap and/or kill myself.

    I have nothing here on this earth and I'm ready to leave it and I will if I don't smoke weed at some point each day.

    Fuck life.

    This may lead to mental problems in my life but if I don't smoke it then I will have other problems, so I think I will smoke it all now and then get all the problems at once which means I will probably play chicken with a freight train and die then instead of tonight.

    If I ever went to see a councillor then I would probably have to be high whilst that toff prick offers what he thinks is good advice because he hasn't struggled a day in his toff prick life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2011
  2. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    It also means that I can't afford to go to Thailand this year which is all I wanted for this year. It really goes to show that I really can't have anything.

    Anywho, its time to go train then get one of them mother fuckers rolled and smoked and then its right to bed to make sure another day of this fucking life is finally over and I can rest in eternal oblivion in comfort now knowing I will never be back and I never have to be conscious again for the rest of all eternity.

  3. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Feel the same way. Went a week without it but keep running back to it. It's really annoying.
  4. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    all i gotta say is that we are livin in some of the hardest times on earth right now. there are millions of us who feel the pressure. you are not alone.
  5. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    I dont know if this is the right thing to say or not but I am alive because of weed and so are other people cuz if it wasnt for weed, I would have killed them.......Its my only crutch. I cant drink cuz I get violent. I dont do speed or coke. Scared to death of needles so heroin is not an option. Well, I guess I could smoke it or snort it but it just doesnt seem right. besides, I dont want to OD on anything so to the bong I go. When I break through my medz Ineed a bong hit or 15 to help calm me down......Im an advocate....its better than a lot of legal drugs that have side effects that are worse than the symptoms.....I say....smoke it up.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Redundancy is hard but you got 3 months till then and might easily find another job before then.

    You could always just sign off on a medical note, spend a few weeks in Thailand, come back feeling a bit better.

    Sure, things are bad in the UK right now but cheer up, they will get worse hopefully for the rich who cause the economic grief. Don't think all the trouble in the Arab nations cannot hit Europe also. We've been doing it for centuries. As for counsellors being 'toffs' (snob) that's a bit harsh. Anyone can become a counsellor. You could do it yourself. We all counsel people but few of us get paid for it. Otherwise we'd earn a fortune just sitting in a UK pub and listening to the usual redundancy, divorce, football team is sh** and so on.

    Anyhow, you could also look into perhaps claiming some grant or other. You paid into the system so might as well get something out of it. There will be advise centres near you - maybe ask what there is to claim. My mate got money for new clothes which added up to almost £100. Save a few quid in your last couple of months and do you not get a month in hand or some kind of redundancy also? Weeks wage for every year?

    You could go to Thailand and withdraw your cash there easily. Or is this trip a planned one with people at a certain time?

    As for smoking, I'd agree that it might be better than alcohol for some and its way better than using cocaine, speed and definitely heroin which is a bad drug to even just 'try the once' as many who have tried thousands of times will testify. I've seen people in my company try heroin 'just the once' and are still on it 30 years later. Must have spent a million on heroin alone! Plus, a heroin addict rarely buys there own smokes, as you find them bumming them automatically.

    That said, smoking weed or hash to escape, is not a good tactic. Smoking to chill out after a days business is not an issue. Cannabis has been used for thousands of years, most of the legal drugs handed out to the public are maybe a decade or so old.
  7. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    Who says you're too old or too late to turn your hobby into a career? I know that's easier said than done, but I bet you could still give it a go.

    As for the whole relying on weed thing...well...I get it. I wish I had a solution, but I don't. Weed really is a great life-suppressant, but it itself just becomes a burden in the end.
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Cannabis can be addictive. I ought to know as I've smoked it a long time.

    Does it keep you alive? I'm not really sure. It might get to the point like any drug in which it becomes a habit with little enjoyment. An addiction more than a habit because people who smoke daily will go 'cold turkey' if they stop albeit not on the level we'd see with opiates.

    If on the other hand, you have MS or something debilitating then it hardly matters if you become addicted to something which makes you a bit better.

    I'm in my 40s so I know a lot of people my age who have smoked all their lives. Quite a few have stopped for a variety of reasons. I'd like to stop also but it won't be easy. The main obstacle is psychological dependence. Physical symptoms upon stopping smoking are well known. In some ways its like coming off an anti depressant I suppose, or coming off a mild opioid. You will take a few weeks to have a thc and cannaboid free system.

    As for depression, I'll admit that cannabis has some benefits. That said, it does not cure depression. If it did I'd not have depression so maybe its a temporary shelter - a brief respite from the grind of reality.

    It might be that stopping smoking will make it worse, but its worth taking a chance if your a long term smoker and have depression also.

    Bear in mind also that most of the cannabis you find in the UK is probably grown here - the figure grows each year but its now at the point were relatively little cannabis or hash is imported here. The so called 'skunk' varieties are stronger in many cases than the weed you'd find in the 70s and 80s which was grown in other counties naturally. Skunk is basically cannabis produced by seeds bought from professional breeders.

    The main danger for young people is that cannabis will be a distraction to the educational process. In my area I see people lighting up a joint of skunk before they go into college or school. The link with crime is there mainly because its an overpriced illegal product. If it was legal we would not have that issue. The danger would be that like cigarettes and alcohol, younger people would be able to gain access to the products with ease as kids play pass the parcel to the kid a year younger than them. That is what makes 10-yr-olds smoke cigarettes.

    I guess we are damned if we do damned if we don't, but the main benefit would be the tax windfall which could be used to study cannabis more.

    The main trouble is that people smoke it. This makes it addictive especially if you mix that cannabis with tobacco. On the other hand, eating cannabis is not so addictive, mainly because its very strong and long lasting. You would not wake up and eat some more to chill out on the way to work - but smoking is an addiction in itself. That whole oral fixation thing combined with the relaxing effects of cannabis could make you addicted without you even knowing.

    The psychological effects of cannabis range from subtle to extraordinary. I've not had a psychosis but would imagine that its possible that some mental conditions are not helped by cannabis. Cannabis is not a good work drug - though I've seen countless people smoking in work I'd say that it just makes the drug less effective. The more you use - the less effective it actually becomes. Like any drug you can get a tolerance but if you stop using for a day or two, the strength returns.

    Most people with depression want to feel 'normal', so you would need to synthesise cannabis to some chemical form to remove the high IF it was ever going to be accepted as an anti depressant in the true sense. Cannabis is not a drug which you'd smoke or eat and proclaim to be 'normal'. It gets you high, but in a subtle way which does not leave you messed up as with many other drugs. Even so, because it gets you high its probably best treated as a recreational drug that you ought to use when the sun goes down.

    I guess I'd sooner feel 'normal' and not depressed, and then have the choice of maybe indulging if the occasion is right. Smoking from the time you wake till you go to bed just means you smoke more to get the same high you'd get if you maybe sparked one up at midnight.

    Anyhow, good luck if your trying to cut down or stop using. Good luck if you want to carry on also.

    For my penny worth, yes cannabis can have a mental dependency and can be addictive.

    Last but not least, ensure that what you are using is not pumped up with chemicals and sprayed with damaging insecticides or fungicides. Even mouldy weed can be very dangerous.

    Maybe it should be legal so we can at least ensure a quality product free of damaging additives and properly labelled as to how strong it is. In Holland we get this choice, plus you see far less teenagers of school-age lurking about with the bag of weed.
  9. KGames

    KGames Member

    Don't forget to buy a vaporizer once you have to conclude you're not going to quit the herb. No need to dirty your lungs, nor to develop a nicotine dependence. The joy of breathing and vaping with clean lungs might be just enough a reason to remain among the living. :)
  10. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I've been looking at the King of vaporisers, the Volcano.

    Anyone ever had experience of this?

    I've used the cheap ones but although they are good the Volcano loads the vapour into a bag and uses warm air to vape the weed.
  11. shanawij

    shanawij New Member

    You pretty much described my own life. Although I lost my job due to severe depression, I stopped turning up to work because I couldn't get myself out of bed.
    These are hard times for all of us. I need weed daily so I can forget that I'm a complete failure that can't get a job. I need weed to escape into another dimension of reality, this one is simply too painful
  12. pbobble

    pbobble Well-Known Member

    Well use what you need to get through the difficult times, although depending on pot is not a good long term strategy. Making changes and getting the depression treated is better I think.

    Weed can be ok for many people, helps with some health conditions and in many cases I don't see a problem with it.

    I however I lost alot of good years to a dawn till dusk weed habit, and spent thousands on it. It wasn't the worst of times, but it was wasted time where I could of been living life more fully. Not having smoked it seriously for four years now, the occasional puff at most, no way on earth I would go back to how I was. So be careful.

    Peacelovinguy: with vaporisers I find with some tinkering the homemade light bulb ones are as good as anything you can buy. You need to build one or two to optimise the design for your needs. I always found vaporisers in general somewhat unsatisfying though. But better than COPD I suppose.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.