I think I'm emotionally manipulative & I want to stop

Discussion in 'I Need Some Practical Advice' started by lycorizu, Feb 18, 2018.

  1. lycorizu

    lycorizu New Member

    I've been heavily depressed this past few weeks. When I try looking back, I realized I might have been showing some rather emotionally manipulative tendencies to make my online friends feel sorry for me and to make them 'stay'.

    I hate this.

    I've became the kind of person I've always hated.

    It makes me think that I really don't deserve any help and better off dead.

    I want to stop but I don't know how without feeling even more depressed, lonely, or abandoned. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
  2. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    The cycle is environment, thought, emotion, action. Only by challenging your thought process can you hope to change your emotional response and your action. So what thoughts are you having that are leading to the fear response?
    lycorizu likes this.
  3. Silverpuddle

    Silverpuddle Some kind of geek SF Author SF Supporter

    There's nothing wrong with wanting your friends to stick around when you're depressed. What makes you think that your requests for them to stay are emotionally manipulative?
    lycorizu and Deety like this.
  4. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops

    You being concerned over this in the first place shows that you are a good person. Self-reflection is a skill that not everyone is capable of.
    Mysticrose, Winter Blues and lycorizu like this.
  5. theedda

    theedda Well-Known Member

    I've struggled with this as well, unfortunately.

    I guess the ultimate thing is, just be honest. Look, if my friend was legitimately feeling depressed/suicidal/whatever else, I'd rather they tell me about it and maybe exaggerate a bit due to their emotional vulnerability, then have them suffer in silence. If you're actually feeling bad and not doing it intentionally, then I'd say you're mostly fine. But yes, it is easy to fall into the trap of intentionally making people feel sorry for you for attention
    lycorizu likes this.
  6. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I'd say everyone is emotionally manipulative to varying degrees, it is part of the human condition. It can manifest more strongly when there is fear inside that you can't get a grasp on. You are self aware and feel guilty, take that as a sign to see that you have not become what you hate as you describe. A person who just uses others has no conscience which you clearly have.

    You don't deserve to feel depressed or abandoned, people here care and you can be yourself without having to worry.
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear htis
    Do you want to say what happened?
    lycorizu likes this.
  8. lycorizu

    lycorizu New Member

    to put it simply, some online friends of mine haven't been responding to my texts. yes, i do aware that they might be busy (they have works and college too) but when they finally reply, i think i ended up telling them how lonely they made me feel and "You probably wouldn't realize it if I were to disappear tomorrow."

    there are more (mostly just self-pity, me telling them how lonely and sad i am, etc.) but the worst one was when i almost use suicide to threaten them.... that's when i decide that i'm probably quite manipulative emotionally. yet i don't want to be that low..... so i went here for opinions.... i don't want to be like that...

    you know there is some kind of 'awareness' about certain people who would use suicide and depression as a way to grab attention, right? there are also warnings about staying away from people who use emotional response to manipulate other people. if i continue with my behaviour, i'm afraid that:
    1) once they realize what i've been doing, they wouldn't want to associate with me again. they're the only friends i have.... i don't want that...
    2) they'll believe that i probably fake my depression and loneliness as a way to catch their attention. i am well aware that suicide and depression isn't something to be make light of but i'm afraid what i'm doing will make my friends think otherwise.

    i hope i'm being coherent enough. my mind have this terrible tendency to overthink problems and making branched scenarios... mostly the most terrible ones. i tried to 'make things simple' but my mind just have to spin even faster and make me even more scared of the what-ifs.

    also thank you for every one who tried to comfort me and gave their piece of mind regarding this. it means a lot.
  9. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Have you discussed with a T your fear of abandonment?

    You can't make people stay friends. When the emotional cost overcomes the like for the friend, they will likely leave. You may be seeing that already in the delayed response time to messages.

    If you don't have a T, call a crisis line. Having someone simply listen to you, provide support and encouragement may be helpful for you.
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    You may want to take a look at the links in my signature. They have some info about treatment methods.

    It may help if you can try to build a network of support, one that includes friends, a therapist, this forum, or others.

    If you have a good network, you can get the support that you need without putting too much burden on any one person.