I just made mac and cheese. Not because I was hungry, but because it reminds me of back when my parents were married and I was in elementary school and everything was right... my dad used to make mac and cheese every Friday and we would watch a movie. I made it and I went into the living room with it and I put in a movie and I just sat there with it and cried. I'm still crying. I miss back then when I didn't have any problems and my parents still loved each other and we were all happy together. I wish i could just go back in time to that time and live forever at my old house on Sir Phillip. I think I might be loosing it... When I was making it, I sprayed some of my dad's old cologne in the air and actually started talking to him like I was 6 again and he was in the kitchen making mac and cheese. Why can't I just go back to those times... why can't my life just stop sucking... I have tried to tell myself suicide isn't the answer, but I don't know anymore... its never going to get any better. I am falling apart... please help me... I loved my daddy before he left and I don't want to hate him, but I do... He is the only person I ever hated and ever will hate. I'm still crying... Please let me go back.