I think I'm finally going to do it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Surely Not, Jul 4, 2010.

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  1. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    Tonight seems like a good time. I'm completely fed up with all of this. My mom won't be home until late tomorrow. I have 24 hours where no one will interrupt me.

    I just do not want to be found and revived. There's nothing left for me here.

    I'm not even scared. I'm ready.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please don't follow through with your suicide plan Gracey. You will just cause yourself more pain and suffering and all your loved ones will be heartbroken. Don't do this. :console: :hug:
  3. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Gracey PLEASE don't say those things. I just said a prayer for you. I'm here I'll talk to you all night.I BEG you DON'T!!!! PLEASE. TALK TO ME. I can help I promise. Think of your MOM too it will ruin her life. It will ruin ours too if you go. We need you too with us.I;m amost crying myself now.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Talk to me. COME ON. PLEASE. WE all love you and care. I LOVE YOU TOO.
  4. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Why tonight? What's got you so down. Tell me.
  5. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I wish I hadn't joined this forum. I've spoken to you such a short amount of time, but I feel almost guilty about leaving.

    Which is insane, because I don't feel guilty at all about leaving the people who will actually be affected.

    You don't know me. No one knows me because there's nothing to know. I'm not anyone. I haven't been anyone for so long.
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    YOU ARE SOMEONE. In the very brief time I've known you you've touched me. I want to know you more. PLEASE let me.
  7. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    I'm just such a poor judge of character. I asked my exboyfriend how he was doing and he said really horrible things to me.

    That didn't even really upset me that much. I've wanted to do it for a long time. Part of breaking up with him was cutting ties so that I would be able to.

    I don't want anyone to think that I want to kill myself because of a boy, because that's not it at all.

    It just seems like a good time to do it. I can't see anything getting better. I don't have anything left in me to improve my life.
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Come on PLEASE. What about the trip you want to take? There are other boys who will want you so much. Just give them a chance. So much time to get better and have a happy life. Tell me what you want out of life? What would make you happy?
  9. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    It's not about boys. It's just that he was the only person I have cared anything about. I have never been at all unselfish towards anyone else.
    And the fact that I don't feel any different upsets me so fucking much. I'm so broken. I can't FEEL anything.

    I have never wanted to be in a long-term relationship. I've never wanted close friends. And from what I've seen and read relationships are the point of life. So life is pointless to me.

    I'm never going to have ambition. I'm never going to have anything.
  10. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    I don't want to worry you. I shouldn't have told anyone. It was pointless, and it just upsets people.
  11. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    The fact that you felt that way once means that you can again. YOU WILL AGAIN. It's in you. YOU are unselfish and will fins some one tio give that to again.

    Relationships are an imprtant part of life ,but not the ONLY part. I haven't been in one for years and I'm fine. Maybe I wil be again and thats good, but in the meantime I learn new things and make new fiends and grow as a person.

    You can be ambitious. YOu may have many things soon or in a while No one knows the future. DONT give up. I am proof that things can get better if you dont give up. My life was a nightmare once. But I'm here. PLEASE stay her and lets make it work!!!!
  12. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    I don't want to care about anyone again.

    But you have friends. I don't want friends. I've never had a close friendship with someone apart from my ex, and I'm not going to again. I have no interest people. I like learning, but I know that I'll flunk out of college. I know that I'm not going to succeed because of my depression and my lack of ambition.

    I just drank a bunch of gin. Now I know why I never did that before. Ick.
    I took four hydros. I'm really tired. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know who I am. I don't want to be here anymore. I was going to go out for a drive, but now that's out of the question. fdsgfksdljfklsdjfkldjskljfdks
  13. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    How old are you?

    I just want to talk to someone for a while. I don't know what's going to happen. I'll probably end up not doing it because I'm not a million percent sure that it'll kill me. That's what's always happened in the past.
  14. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Oh I'm sorry. Why don't you put the drinks away? what are hydros? I have friends and you are one fo them. PLEASE dont give up on people. There will be new people that wont let you down. Maybe you need a pet, a little friend to keep you company they can be beautiful. There is so much to live for. I'm alone toinight maybe you can keep me company .my family is thousands of miles away. We need you here and I need you here. I like you and want to help and be a friend.
  15. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    Hydrocodone. They're like vicodin. I've never done this before. I feel even less than before.

    Anyone I've ever been even kind of close to has let me down. I know that there are people who won't, but I don't want to go through any of it again.

    I had a cat. My mom got rid of him. I'm not allowed to have inside pets. Cuddling with my cat always made me feel more comfortable.

    You wouldn't like me if you knew me. I lie and I cheat and I steal. I don't care about other peoples' feelings. I'm not a good person.
  16. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    I'm scared that I'll be rescued. I'll be in a mental hospital for so long and when I get out, I'll never have the chance to do it again.
  17. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Dont take the pills PLEASE. Stay here and talk to me!

    I would like you if I knew you. Becuase I can see the good in you. We all make mistakes and do things we shouldn't. I do too. That's no reason not to like people. I do like you.

    Can you get a small pet like a rabbit and keep it outside?

    You can talk to me all night if you like.

    I understand you've been disappointed by people. Just take your time and you'll learn to trust again. We have to always try again. There can be great happiness with people. I know how you feel though. I wont give up and I pray you dont.
    I'm here for you as long as you need me to be!!!!
  18. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    I don't think they affected me at all, so don't worry. If I leave, it's probably just me falling asleep.

    I guess so. I just feel like I'm mostly all bad. I have no regard for other peoples' feelings.

    I mostly just like cats because they are good for cuddling.

    Thank you for that.

    I just wish I could 100% rely on someone.

    I feel so sick right now. I think I have a fever.
  19. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for the fever. do you need a doctor?

    I dont think your bad just a person in pain. Your human. Ive been bad or done bad things too . We all do. But that doesnt mean we're bad people. We just try not to make the same mistakes. I like you no matter what you say!!!!

    Could you keep a pet in the basement? Then you could go there to cuddle.

    You can rely on me I'll do my best and try to be there.

    Good days will come. Lets try to make a plan to get you there.
  20. Surely Not

    Surely Not Well-Known Member

    It's probably just a result of my stupidity with the pills and alcohol.

    Thank you. I just don't know.

    I'd like that. I really like cats.

    Thank you.

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