I'm Mason and i'm 14. I've been posting on my usual forum but they keep deleating my posts. It's a touchy topic i guess. I've tried to do it twice before but I just can't. I really want to do something though and I always think of killing my dad. It's like it plays out in my mind and it's like it does happen, but I can't do this either. I know somethings wrong and that its not normal to think like this but I don't know why. The last person I told about these visions said I was a spoilt rich kid who just stopped getting what I want and i'm doing it for attention but thats not true. I've been thinking like this for about a year and a half. It's hard to explain and I cant really understand. My mom died when i was twelve and its not like i can talk about it with my dad because he wont listen and doesnt care. He gets so angry and yells at us so much. I have these dreams that are so real and its like im so scared all the time. i stopped going to school becase its so embarrasing people stare at me and they feel sorry for me and they dont want to talk to me or be my friend because they feel awkward and like they have to say something nice. i know i want to die soon but im too scared to try again i want to talk to someone that doesnt know me and thinks the same.