Hiya, Im not sure what your previous messages say as Im new here but Why do you want to die or even feel at ease with dying?? Feeling at ease with dying isnt such a bad thing, as so many people fear it but why suicide??
We all loose people we love and the pain associated with that tears even the strongest people apart. I once wanted nothing more than to die but thats because I couldnt cope with all the pain that was happening in my life - all the abuse and what not surrounding that but the fact I wanted to die was the fact I wanted to be out of that situation. I no longer wanted to feel the pain, the guilt or any other emotion I was going through at the time.
I stuck around and even to this day I dont know how I got through it. I came out of that situation a different person. I could no longer look back on my life because to me now, my life started at the age the abuse ended. What was before that wasnt me. I feel different to that person and I have different views.
Ive had bad days and ive had good days, there have been days that have yet again torn me apart but I no longer wish to die on those days. And why....becuse I no death isnt the answer. If everyone died when things got bad in their lives then there wouldnt be very many humans left would there??
A while ago, I nearly lost the closest person to me. All those feelings of emotion from my past came rushing back to me, feeling physically sick, feeling hurt, feeling sad, feeling lost. For about 2 weeks I was just in shock. It was like I had left my body and I came close to loosing it all. Seeing my cousin in the hospital, knowing I could have lost her cannot be described. All the time I sat there next to her bed blanking out the fact she had so many tubes attached to her, I just prayed she would pull through. Some people may see that as selfish but although she wanted to die at the time, if you looked at her now you wouldnt believe it was the same person. She herself thanks the fact she was saved that day because she has come so far and she is really happy. Each birthday and milestone brings even more joy at the fact she is here. It would have been a different story if she hadnt of survived that day.
I am sorry for rambling, I know how low and how lonely people feel during their lives but I am a strong believer that no one is ever truly alone. There is a poem circulating that says "you mean the world to more people than you realise" and "somebody thinks about you every night before they go to sleep". No matter how alone or unloved you feel, there are always people whose lives you have touched who really do care about you. You may not see them everyday but they think about you, they care for you and there lives wouldnt be the same if you took your life.
Im sorry to everyone whose life is touched with hurt right now, ive been there I know how it feels but things do get better. Death is a waste of such a good thing. Some people who dont have the choice of life or death would love to have that choice. Please just think about that before you make that decision. Everyone has a reason to live and everyone is special in their own way. Dont deny people of your love.
Sorry for the ramble
Lonely_Angel xx
