I think I'm going to do it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by vendetta233, Jul 20, 2013.

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  1. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    I am a veteran. Completed 3 tours to Afghanistan.
    I shut down on my fiancé last month because i was kinda upset about how my unit dnied my leave to go visit my family.
    I got drunk and i cursed at her. I havent see her since last month...she ignores all my phone calls. she messaged me last week telling me to give her time and she will come around..that she is having a bad month. I gave her time...i get a text last night from a friend with pictures of my fiancé and another guy on facebook and the status said " we look so good together and you are all mine ", i texted her asking who was the guy, thats all i said to her. she went into defensive mode telling me to stop stalking her...to leave her alone...that she is changing her number because im stalking her. I am not stalking her, she moves to a new house and she never told me where is that house ( the movement was planned month ago )...i dont even know where my girlfriend lives.

    I cried and Cried all night last night, i drank a lot...<edit mod total eclipse method>

    i think im going to go through it. i am so down, depress, cant stop thinking about her being with someone else. i love her..and cant see myself without her.

    someone please please talk to me....i need someone to talk to
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi vedetta233 i can hear your pain hun but please please don't give in to it ok

    she had made her decision to move on and now you hun have to make the decision also YOUdeserve someone that will love you wholeheartedly. I hope now hun you take time to reach out and get therapy ok to help you with your pain and anger You will meet another just know that right now you are grieving that is ok but know the pain lessens and you will be ok you will hun

    Keep talking to us ok and talk to someone in real life too hun get the support you need to pull through
     
  3. mbczion

    mbczion Well-Known Member

    vendetta233, sorry to hear what you are going through. Going through a rough divorce myself (my soon to be ex is a nutcase and a witch). Your girlfriend doesn't know what she is missing if she leaves you. You are a veteran of tours of duty in Afghanistan. That already says you are someone special, cream of the crop, brave. Having done tours of duty in Gaza myself (in the Israeli army) I can relate to being a veteran and going through a divorce myself I can relate to being betrayed. There are days I also feel like ending it, but I am still here. Sometimes I can only take it a day at a time, even hours at a time. Let's keep each other going.
     
  4. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    i just dont think i can do it. I actually love. Yes, i wasnt the best man...noone is perfect....but i would had done anything for her. I would had gave her the world...all i wanted back was her love.

    i never felt like this...i feel so empty.
     
  5. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    i am trying so hard to be strong
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know it hurts. And I know there's no quick fix. But please don't give into your pain. I realize you love her, but if she was able to move on so quickly after just recently telling you to give her time, then she's not the right one for you; nobody deserves to be lead on, and that's kind of what it sounds like she was doing to you. You deserve someone who will be honest with you.
     
  7. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    As someone who struggles every day to hold on, and is also in a very similar situation to yours...please do hold on. You have earned a good life, please give life a chance to become what you deserve it to be. You gave us EVERYTHING in the line of duty, you gave her your unconditional love...there isn't much more of yourself you could give to others. Time to go give to yourself man, for real. What that means is up to you to decide, and please just give it some time to happen. Posting on the forum or in personal messages, please do reach out.
     
  8. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    And that is why im here. Im reaching out, i have a daughter and depends on me, and 8 soldiers that depend on my guidance ... I have to be strong... They cant see their squad leader weak. Im suppose to be their mentor.

    I survived every deploymet, i had some hard times in Afghanistan, no sleep, no food, back to back missions, almost got blown up... And just to feel this way. I just got back two months ago from afghanistan... And i should be happy to be back but ill rather be back in afghanjstan than here
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sure Afghanistan was unbelievably hard, and terrifying... I can't even imagine. But it's like a whole different kind of hurt when you lose someone you love, it's the kind of pain that can bring the strongest person in the world to their knees. Nobody can be strong all the time, and so I'm glad you're reaching out. Please keep talking... feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. You've given so much to us all by being in Afghanistan, and now I hope you'll let us help you through this.
     
  10. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    I don't know if you realize the level of admiration and respect you are generating here. Maybe you don't want it, but there it is. I don't think a person can be strong without being allowed to be weak sometimes. Maybe vulnerable is a better word than weak. Home and heart is supposed to be that place. It might feel like her heart was your home (I know I feel that way about my wife who hates my guts and just demanded a divorce), and my god man, do you ever deserve to be vulnerable when you need to be. She took that away from you. It is NOT your fault, but rather some defect on her part. She lacks the strength and its not your fault.

    You can be vulnerable here either on the forum or through PM's. I know that is hardly a consolation, but it is there for you. Also, there is a subtle thing about posting here that I will let you in on. Maybe it is just me, but every post I read helps me a little. Seeing people make a little progress and become even just a small amount happier or more ok with themselves, helps me to become a little happier and ok with myself. The difference is, no one has to be strong to do this. They just have to BE. I know I CAN do that if nothing else, for now. I hope the same is true for you.

    Really pulling for you.
     
  11. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    Thank you
     
  12. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    Why is it so hard to get her out of my head but so easy to think about suicide
     
  13. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Going to just call you vend..I have Parkinson's and typing is a real adventure..lol

    You probably thought the relationship was going to turn into something permanent.. Her thoughts are different.. That hurts badly now.. Going to take time and some help to get thru..

    Vend killing yourself is going to hurt your daughter a ton.. She may never get over that..losing someone is hurtful to you now but it is able to recover from.. Been there, suffered but have recovered.. Websites like this do help.. Also therapy and meds if needed can help very much..

    Death is just nothing then vend.. A vacuum that is empty.. Realize that being active military you may be very resistant to let the military know how you are doing now.. Could go very wrong.. I know the number for the Tacoma crisis line.. These people have just about it all and have training.. If you do not tell them you are killing yourself now they will just talk with you and try to help you!!

    I am an in curable insomniac..lo usually awake on and off starting about 1am our time.. Would be glad to talk some with you in chat then.. Just want you to remain alive and get to safer position.. If you click on my username or click on messages at the top of the login screen you can send me a message anytime..jimk
     
  14. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    Well, suicide would get her out of your head which is what you really want, are talking about dying to accomplish. But there are other ways to get her out of your head without killing yourself. You will work that out and I think a big part of it is talking it out. That is what we are here for :) Let it all out, its alright. Just hold on tonight, and come back and talk some more tomorrow or post/chat/pm away tonight. It will be good in the end because your a good guy, and I think you know that. I hope you do anyways.
     
  15. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    I am going to be on the site all night.
     
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Here if you feel like talking.
     
  17. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    Hows everyone doing tonight? I went tovmy friends house. Didnt wanted to be alone tonight, we are watching documentaries on netflix but i still cant help and think stupid stuff in my head.
     
  18. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    Anyone up?
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I think it was a good call to go to your friend's house. I know that doesn't necessarily stop the thoughts, but at least you weren't alone.

    How're you holding up today?
     
  20. vendetta233

    vendetta233 Member

    I kept waking up in the middle of the night just crying and going back to bed
     
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