I just... I dunno, I don't think I can deal with this. I'm trying so hard it's not even funny. Why does it hurt so much? I like to tell myself I have a horrible life but I don't, not really. My mom hasn't hit me in years, and I have a job. A crappy job, but a job. I have a nice home and loving siblings and good friends and a pretty good dad. I have amazing teachers that care about me. I have people to talk to. And yet, still, everything hurts. I just don't understand. Honestly, I feel like I feel suicidal for no damn reason and that just makes it worse because I really can't explain it. Yeah, I have a lot of money problems and I hate my job and I have a lot of problems with my mom. Yeah, I'm failing a couple classes at school. None of that is the reason I want to die. I don't have it that bad. It really could be so much worse. I really don't know what my fucking deal is. I just don't know what it is. All I know is that I just want everything to stop.