I think I'm just being selfish..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jimmyxpop, Jun 21, 2007.

  1. jimmyxpop

    jimmyxpop New Member

    Ok, so, to put things straight, I've never had it easy.
    My dad left my mum, my sister (who was 2) and myself (I was 5) almost 11 years ago now, he told my mum he was going out to buy cigarettes but had packed all his things and took all the money and the car. He left us to go and live with another woman and made my mum struggle continuously for almost 8 years. She had 4 jobs at one point to try and keep my sister and I alive. My dad stole all our money (including the money saved for university and weddings for us) to pay off the 10,000 pounds he was in debt with because he bought too much cocaine.
    My mum met someone a year after breaking up with my dad, and they have been together since which I think is amazing, but in February she became pregnant. I know this sounds all amazing and stuff, but I am actually not excited at all. In all truth, I'm scared and jealous of all the attention the baby is already getting, and it wont even be born until October. My mum has told me nothing will change and that she will always have time to go shopping and do things with my sister and I (we're 15 almost 16 and 12 almost 13 now) but even now we've almost completely stopped doing things, and whenever we do, it's for the baby.
    I almost don't want this child to be born because I don't want things to change, it feels like I'm never going to be able to do things with my mum again now, because all she does is talk about the baby or buy things for the baby. Everything revolves around it now, and by the time it will be old enough to walk and stuff, I will probably have moved out.

    Is it wrong that I feel like this?
    Its had me up crying and feeling sick at the thought of having to change, and that I will miss out on so much with my mum.