I think im out of here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TryingSoHard, Feb 13, 2008.

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  1. TryingSoHard

    TryingSoHard Member

    i sent a letter to my girlfriend explaining how much i love her hoping it would arrive for valentines day. it arrived and she has read it. i got very little response. i dont think she thought much of it. she wrote one to me too that i recieved and it was so much more than i had done. she had gone through so much trouble for me and i had hardly bothered in comparison. i screw everything up and force dissappointment on everyone. when i said i had recieved her letter and told her how much it meant to me, she said mine was sweet and said that i was oldschool because i had used an ink pen =/. She needs so much more than me even if she doesnt admit it. Im almost certain shes only with me because she knows what ill do when she leaves. I dont know how to go on with these feelings hitting me in the face constantly. ive cut my arm up pretty bad today and i know how she will feel when she finds out. I CANT TAKE THIS CONSTANT GUILT. I shouldnt force myself on people. i shouldnt even let people near me. i shouldnt even be here actually, my pessimism seaps out everywhere and taints everything close to me. i just need to get my girl happy with the idea of me not being around. all i want now is for her to be happy. she deserves so much and i know i cant live up to it. so i think im going to leave and tell her that she will never be happy with me so i will never be happy, which is what she said she always wanted for me. im a screw up such a screw up and i dont know why people bother to waste their time talking to me. everyone that spends enough time with me (workmates, family, friends that are no lonmger friends) realises this so why wont she? how do i convince her to be happy without me when she always says she wont be? its all i need. there is nothing to me anymore, im just an emotional shell anyway
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What you have here is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you constantly think you don't/won't measure up then that's what will happen. :sad:

    I am old school (pen and ink :biggrin:) and really appreciate a penned letter.
    Maybe your girlfriend is the same.

    Not sure if you meet in real life (am assuming so) so make her valentine's day a bit special. A home made card (that has effort and thought) should go down a treat. All women like flowers and it doesn't have to be a bunch costing an arm and a leg..if you have a garden go cut some prime blooms.
    But more than anything let the day be about her, make her feel precious and try to stop thinking that nothing you do is good enough. :hug: we girls are surprisingly easy to please, unless we happen to be gold-diggers and you wouldn't want one of those anyway.
     
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