outside its chilly, but the sky is a lovely blue and the sun is shining, such a lovely day. many people are going about their day, enjoying the sun and happy with their lives yet i see the same as them but find no joy in it, i look out of the window and stare out into the street, hoping to see something, some spark to ignite my life again and drag me out of this mess. but i know it won't happen, i know that i'll spend yet another weekend alone, thinking of where i am, what my life is and how it should be. my loneliness will become stifling, the profound sadness i feel in my heart will push me further down. i'll sit and ponder, then get angry followed by upset. yes i know, you'll say go out, walk in the sun, be around others. and i do, but its almost like they don't exist, i see and feel nothing i don't know anymore but i think i'm ready, i think i am .