I'm gonna make this short and sweet without dragging it on haha. i live in a very small town word gets around quick your ranked in social status if you can fight or not. I never had parents, aunts, uncles etc...no one as a kid when i grew up told me right from wrong or just small life lessons. I'm over that i don't mind i have no one to talk to in my family and i'm 21 years old i've been single for seven years and i was the popular guy in school i'm one of the nicest guys you'll meet but i can throw down like bruce lee...i was bullied severely as a kid even by my cousins so i've always had to push back and fight. the only thing i am vulnerable too is love...i've recently started dating a girl which whom i care about a lot i support her and her younger brother beacause their mother is a addict. My mother and father don't have a great relationship and my dad often gets drunk and talks about getting divorced at 65 my mother recently got over her 3 round of cancer money is tough in the family..i take alot of vallium and xanax any benzo..and my girl friend tells me she loves me wants to have my baby (probably sounds like young love which it is) but I'm a guy thats always watchin my back people are always looking to test your fighting skills where i live..i've had some messed up shit happen to me as a kid i'm a real old school guy with old school principles so i don't talk about what happened to me i poured a lot of my heart out to my girl and everyone that knows me says i never smile..i've been trying my hardest for this seven years not to commit suicide i pray to god i'm thankful for every beautiful thing on this earth i try to do good but everyone always abandons me or doesn't give me a chance and these past two weeks i've had suicide heavy on my mind and recently i read an article about a music producer that shot himself and his wife or girlfriend said he was just very tired and wanted peace...i'm starting to feel as if i can be at peace and let go like i'm not scared any more....everyone says think about your family and i do and honestly they would heal rather quickly my uncle turned his back on his son our family is in turmoil if i didn't like drinking smoking weed and doing pills so much i would have caved in and done it. thanks for reading my post. deuces'