I think it ruined my life..

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by Ruby, Feb 4, 2007.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I had a horrible time in School. It's still painful to think about actually. I used to be physically ill with fear every morning. I know that it contributed to me becoming depressed. It annoys me that the people who made my life a living hell or now in education/working and I'm on psychiatric medication and suffer from suicidal thoughts. It sounds like I'm wanting pity, I'm not, it just seems so unfair. I was hospitalised when I was 16 and had to miss my exams. Part of me is angry and part of me is glad that this happened. Self injury saved me, it understood me when nobody else did. I think that's why I find it so difficult to let go. My life is so messed up that the happiest time in my life was when I took a near lethal overdose. Sometimes I just want to give up. Sometimes give up by committing suicide, sometimes by slowly becoming insane so I won't be aware of my surroundings. I'm actually past caring.
  2. ybt

    ybt Guest

    ruby, you know, it is hard to take.

    but do you know what? school is now over. you can perhaps find comfort in that area...

    take it from experience, any time you think you're scarred for life (minus perhaps nerve damage etc), you're probably not. i love ya.

    (i realize we haven't met, i'm not a stalker)
  3. Freakstorm

    Freakstorm Member

    Gosh I know how that feels so much. I have been in hospital from the age of 15 (I'm now 17) and I can't see people in school uniform without feeling sick, I have moodswings and flashbacks. I also started self harming to cope with it. What I'm trying to say is that you're not alone. I'm here for you if you'd like to talk.
  4. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    i totally agree with you. ur out of school and yes you can start fresh. like ive told many other people on the forum- meditate. it helps it helps you to calm down and get relaxed. ive tryed it and it does help
  5. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I've only just read this. Thanks everyone..

    I know I'm out of school and I thank god every day for that, ha. It still makes me angry though. I watch those people who made my life a misery going out having fun whilst I'm sitting deciding how to self harm. I guess that should give me more reason to 'fight', but it doesn't.
  6. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I was bullied too, and I've come to realise it's the cause of the social problems I'm experiencing now. Unfortunately being out of school doesn't help any because you are still experiencing those unexpressed emotions you couldn't get out at the time, and a very important personallity-forming time was fucked up. Bullying is a terrible experience and it's ok to be so effected by it.

    Take care
  7. I know how you feel, at least from what I read now. I too was bullied in school, and self harm saved me from worse things. Thats why I find it hard to let go aswell. I really I wish I could say something that would give you hope and stuff right here, but Im not over it myself.

    But a friend told me once, that, even though it might seem like you never will move on and never get better, you will. It will get better. You will always carry it with you, but that defines you as a person. We should all love the dark sides of people, those are the most beautiful. But yeah, as my friend said, it will get better someday. You just have to believe it. :)
  8. ashla86

    ashla86 Active Member

    I know what you mean about seeing people who made fun of you in school out having fun. I am like that too, I see all these people who use to make fun of me still really happy with their lives. They are out all the time drinking and when they see me they have no remorse for what they did to me. Some of them still think it is funny to make fun of me.

    There are some that are ok though. Believe it or not but I don't hate any of them (even the ones who still make fun of me) at all for it. In fact I have this thing where I want to be friends with them, I want to forget the past and just be friends. There are some who are willing to do that too. There is this one guy who tormented me so much but we work together now and we talk a lot. We've never mentioned the past which is good. I don't want people coming up and apologizing for what they did (or at least I don't expect them too) but I want to be friends with a lot of them. I think I will be able to get on with my life if I can be friends with a lot of them. The one guy I get along with now, whenever we have coversations I always feel so good about myself later because I know he accepts me now.
  9. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i think bullying has affected many years of my life. but i am lookin forward for the remainder years of my life and now just dealing with family problems.
  10. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Friend betrayal at school fucked my life up..along with other things. They seem meaningless at the time but 6 years later and the cracks are clearly visible.
  11. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i think people do set out to ruin other people's lives. but they can't do it completely. they can make me miss years and change my life. but they can't destroy it. i am just happy thinking about mountain biking and reading.
  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I was bullied emotionally and physically. But what really hurts is that I was pushed around at home too. My mother was a dominating, critical bitch and my father believed in holding it all in. Back then the mentality was you gotta be able to take it to survive. If you can't take it and tell on someone, you're a wimp. They called it "being a good sport."
    So I always felt I was in the wrong whenever I stood up for myself. But today I am aware of these feelings, and stand up for myself whenever I can. Yet, other times, I regress to being that helpless adolescent.
  13. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    i work in a restaurant. my workers think that it's ok to talk back to customers and slam the window for little reasons. i only blow up under rare circumstances. sometimes these customers don't know that i'm the owner. i think workers that yell back are sometimes weaker and more selfish.
  14. Nelka

    Nelka Member

    From 4th-9th grade I was bullied on a daily basis. I had always been teased here and there, but these years were the most severe. I believe I have always had issues with self-confidence, but it was this experience that really messed me up.

    I was a shy, somewhat chubby and unnattractive girl. I had no social grace, no fashion sense and I almost never responded in kind. This made me an irresistable target. (The occasions I did speak up for myself, I was the one who got in trouble. Apparently it's okay to belittle someone as long as you don't use curse words.)

    When I contemplate my past I am sometimes okay. People change, I have changed. Those people have no impact on my life as it is today. They are not the ones I love and not the ones I should be caring about. Yet, there are times I replay those memories and become angry.

    Recently I found an old enemy of mine on Myspace. I messaged her and told her where to shove it. (Not too rude, just explained that she had been an asshat to me.) The experience wasn't as great as the fantasy. She seemed confused, wasn't quite sure who I was, but apologized if she had hurt me.

    I have heard other people describe similar experiences. It's odd that someone who used to treat you horribly in the past, even the recent past, will act as though you were old friends. It's as if their version of the past is completely different than your own.

    Part of me was annoyed that someone who tormented me for 5 fucking years had no clue that she had any impact on me whatsoever. Another part of me came to the realization just how distant that time was.

    Middle and high school take up a fraction of our lives. We move on to much more important things. I wish that were more obvious when your younger, there wouldn't be so much anxiety about fitting in.
  15. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    You know, I always felt the same way about being bullied in my elementary school. I've always tried to make a conscious effort to be the more social and outgoing person, but I haven't developed that way. I preferred to stay quiet with the verbal abuse I received. Who would've thought it could be detrimental to your personality...
  16. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that this happend to you but you have to confront the bully and let them know who's boss. You have to remember that you're better than them.*hug
  17. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    life is not fair; but not all bullies live well. I was a bully once and I am today a suicidal wreck, so maybe there is hope for justice
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