I thought i share a little something with you here, since this is a suicide forum i obviously wrote something about suicide.....
I told my friend that i wont live for much longer, i think its over for me here, no point of staying, my only friend lives far away, i miss her, and i want to be with her but i can not, which makes me even sadder. I always fight with my parents, i cant take it any longer, its all my fault i am a horrible person,, i always thought i was giving my last to people, but instead i found out that i am the bad person,. and i think bad people should not live, there is so many bad people out there that killl and well instead of takin it out on others i want to take it out on myself. the other day i was so angry, i cut again, the last time i cut is a few weeks ago, and not much, but this time i cut pretty deep and i think the deeper i cut the more pain i have and want to get rid of. I even cried again which i havent done for awhile, and when it gets to this point i know i am close to breaking down, and i dont know what to do against it. I dont want to ask for advice or help anymore, because i have done that before and i was hoping for an answer or help and it never came, so now i give up on hope...its not the greatest to do, but otherise i will be hurt over and over. Its not easy living alone, not that i live alone in a different place, i live with my parents but i am alone in all other ways, i am even alone at home i dont feel close to anyone but my sister. But i want some to hold me when i need it, to tell me they love me or hug me when i need it, cuddle me, talk to me, wait for me to fall asleep, just someone thats there for me. And well i dont have that, i know if i would have that i would be able to live on. So much happened in my life, and i cant deal with it myself, i just cant.
I would never expect anyone to go through something like that alone. If i had a daughter that went through things i went through, i would try and be there for her in ever way, give her anything she needs in mental and emotional way, be a mother that shows her love. You wouldnt think that loving someone is such a big thing, but it is, without love we wouldnt be able to survive. And well i cant live without love thats why i feel like i have to leave this world......
Its been said that people that commited suicide did it without an actual plan. But i dont think thats always like that. I like to make plan about it, i want to write notes, so people dont think its their fault, even tho in some cases it is. But I want to let them know what i felt like what made me decide to do what i did. I would try to comfort them as much as possible.
Anyways. I dont want to bother much more i just thought i get this off my chest, and i must be honest i feel a little better, but doenst mean i wouldnt commit suicide, its been in my life for long and its gonna be the way i will die.
Thanks for listening. And if there is anything you would like to say about this, i am happy reading any reply. Sometimes just a little acknoligment helps alot.
:sad: :mellow:
:no: :dunno: :cry:
I told my friend that i wont live for much longer, i think its over for me here, no point of staying, my only friend lives far away, i miss her, and i want to be with her but i can not, which makes me even sadder. I always fight with my parents, i cant take it any longer, its all my fault i am a horrible person,, i always thought i was giving my last to people, but instead i found out that i am the bad person,. and i think bad people should not live, there is so many bad people out there that killl and well instead of takin it out on others i want to take it out on myself. the other day i was so angry, i cut again, the last time i cut is a few weeks ago, and not much, but this time i cut pretty deep and i think the deeper i cut the more pain i have and want to get rid of. I even cried again which i havent done for awhile, and when it gets to this point i know i am close to breaking down, and i dont know what to do against it. I dont want to ask for advice or help anymore, because i have done that before and i was hoping for an answer or help and it never came, so now i give up on hope...its not the greatest to do, but otherise i will be hurt over and over. Its not easy living alone, not that i live alone in a different place, i live with my parents but i am alone in all other ways, i am even alone at home i dont feel close to anyone but my sister. But i want some to hold me when i need it, to tell me they love me or hug me when i need it, cuddle me, talk to me, wait for me to fall asleep, just someone thats there for me. And well i dont have that, i know if i would have that i would be able to live on. So much happened in my life, and i cant deal with it myself, i just cant.
I would never expect anyone to go through something like that alone. If i had a daughter that went through things i went through, i would try and be there for her in ever way, give her anything she needs in mental and emotional way, be a mother that shows her love. You wouldnt think that loving someone is such a big thing, but it is, without love we wouldnt be able to survive. And well i cant live without love thats why i feel like i have to leave this world......
Its been said that people that commited suicide did it without an actual plan. But i dont think thats always like that. I like to make plan about it, i want to write notes, so people dont think its their fault, even tho in some cases it is. But I want to let them know what i felt like what made me decide to do what i did. I would try to comfort them as much as possible.
Anyways. I dont want to bother much more i just thought i get this off my chest, and i must be honest i feel a little better, but doenst mean i wouldnt commit suicide, its been in my life for long and its gonna be the way i will die.
Thanks for listening. And if there is anything you would like to say about this, i am happy reading any reply. Sometimes just a little acknoligment helps alot.
:sad: :mellow:
