I think its over

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Freiheit, Dec 9, 2006.

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  1. Freiheit

    Freiheit Member

    I thought i share a little something with you here, since this is a suicide forum i obviously wrote something about suicide.....

    I told my friend that i wont live for much longer, i think its over for me here, no point of staying, my only friend lives far away, i miss her, and i want to be with her but i can not, which makes me even sadder. I always fight with my parents, i cant take it any longer, its all my fault i am a horrible person,, i always thought i was giving my last to people, but instead i found out that i am the bad person,. and i think bad people should not live, there is so many bad people out there that killl and well instead of takin it out on others i want to take it out on myself. the other day i was so angry, i cut again, the last time i cut is a few weeks ago, and not much, but this time i cut pretty deep and i think the deeper i cut the more pain i have and want to get rid of. I even cried again which i havent done for awhile, and when it gets to this point i know i am close to breaking down, and i dont know what to do against it. I dont want to ask for advice or help anymore, because i have done that before and i was hoping for an answer or help and it never came, so now i give up on hope...its not the greatest to do, but otherise i will be hurt over and over. Its not easy living alone, not that i live alone in a different place, i live with my parents but i am alone in all other ways, i am even alone at home i dont feel close to anyone but my sister. But i want some to hold me when i need it, to tell me they love me or hug me when i need it, cuddle me, talk to me, wait for me to fall asleep, just someone thats there for me. And well i dont have that, i know if i would have that i would be able to live on. So much happened in my life, and i cant deal with it myself, i just cant.

    I would never expect anyone to go through something like that alone. If i had a daughter that went through things i went through, i would try and be there for her in ever way, give her anything she needs in mental and emotional way, be a mother that shows her love. You wouldnt think that loving someone is such a big thing, but it is, without love we wouldnt be able to survive. And well i cant live without love thats why i feel like i have to leave this world......

    Its been said that people that commited suicide did it without an actual plan. But i dont think thats always like that. I like to make plan about it, i want to write notes, so people dont think its their fault, even tho in some cases it is. But I want to let them know what i felt like what made me decide to do what i did. I would try to comfort them as much as possible.
    Anyways. I dont want to bother much more i just thought i get this off my chest, and i must be honest i feel a little better, but doenst mean i wouldnt commit suicide, its been in my life for long and its gonna be the way i will die.

    Thanks for listening. And if there is anything you would like to say about this, i am happy reading any reply. Sometimes just a little acknoligment helps alot.

    :sad: :mellow: :mad: :no: :dunno: :cry:
  2. Meander

    Meander Active Member

    You say you're a horrible person? I don't believe you. For all of the things you are blaming yourself for, you aren't as bad as you say if they still cause you pain. You sound like a good person to me. A good person stuck in a bad situation. If you need a caring word to help you along, this is a good place to be. Everyone here has a story to tell, and most like to learn stories like yours. To talk, to listen, and to learn that we are not alone in our feelings. If you give the people on this site a chance, you will find many who share similar situations. Many close, caring friendships begin here. Later, when you're ready, you can use the support you find here to expand that feeling into your real life. We are here. We know what pain feels like. We care and want to help, for your sake and ours. Always remember, we're here and we care.
  3. Old_Man_Kensey

    Old_Man_Kensey Well-Known Member

    take it easy...being lonely is a very common thing...It sux but it s no reason for hurting yourself..EVERYONE you know has felt lonely and shit for some time but most people hide it.Not having friends does not mean you are a bad person and does not deserve self punishment by any means...Sorry if i sound a bit cliche and all but i don t have anything else to say..It is worth living just to realise you are more sensitive and thoughtfull than most of the people, coz that's the reason you suffer.Coz most people have compromised and they never think about things that hurt.hold on
  4. Hey

    Hey Active Member

    I used to feel so incredibly alone (when I first joined here- 4 days ago.) It lasted for weeks. I had friends- sure. But even with them in the car- I STILL felt alone.

    When I came here- I talked about how I felt. Letting out every little emotion/feeling to someone and working it out has helped me not feel really alone at all. :smile:

    I'm young (19) so maybe I can relate in some way? I'm in some weird transition between dependency/child -> independence/adult. Usually people have college or something to be a neutural stage between the two as you're ALWAYS around people and it's almost impossible to be alone. But at the same time- you have independence and responsibility. Without college, we have this huge extreme in difference: family -> alone. Hard to cope with.
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